Seeing it now, as I look back, I can see where the two roads split and one was taken that led into a clearing, a clearing that was inviting and empty at the time, but soon after, became overgrown and tangled and dense. I let it get that way, it's my fault. The path in which I thought led to the opening I've seen in my mind, the opening in which my dreams and prayers rested in, basking, waiting for me to happen upon and sit with them, finally to be together. To be complete. Holy shit I've listened to 'How's It Going To Be' one too many times today.
But this clearing, as I look back on it, never wholly existed at all, not in the sense I at first thought it did, for it surrounds me in everything I do. You can choose to be in it or you can choose to be looking for it. That's it. You're either there or you're not there. It's simple. But it is your choice.
And historically, choices are difficult to make. Except those no-brainers, like what's hotter, Medium or Mild. I still don't really know, nor do I ever care to.
But life tends to sweep us up in its massive dustbin. We get swept up in the maze of it all, the intricate turns and twists and ditches and ravines, the schedules and deadlines. We get so damn caught up.
People often want to 'catch up' with you, too, over a coffee. I, personally, would rather not, as that will force me to take inventory of my life over a pastry and tiny caffeinated beverage, and that is just not something I care to do over either one of those. We should get caught up over some naked time in the shower, I mean, then at least I'm also taking care of a couple necessary daily activities. Cleaning and cleaning the pipes. Come on, people, get your heads out of the recycle bin.
Sometimes it's best not to catch up, for then you'll be caught up, like you're watching some television series you recorded on your DVR, and once you're caught up, then you'll simply be that, caught up, and when people get caught up, they tune out again.
Get caught up to tune out.
Looking back on it, there weren't any other roads to take. Every one says there were all these roads to take in your life, but when you think about it, there absolutely weren't. You're exactly where you're supposed to be.
Lookit us, you and I! On this path in our lives, we've intersected in this moment of time and your eyes and my mind are on the same plane in space. Did you feel that? I just pinched your butt with my mind.
The dryer hums through my open window, its position on the ground floor of a little courtyard situated at the base of my staircase allows the noise to invade the quiet of the night surrounding my apartment. Living on the second floor of a two unit complex, I feel secluded in my little ivory tower here. I walk about most nights shirtless and in my under garments, because, well, it's nice to do that. The large tree outside my second floor windows affords me the privacy that my clear drapes do not. But this is the way I enjoy my perch and living in here for the past year and a half, I now realize, that a clearing has been found.
A clearing where I am free to exlpore, digest, invent, create. Perhaps one day I'll find other inhabitants to share a clearing with, one of the female variety and some of the children variety. I look forward to discovering that clearing.
I really do.
But for now, this is it and it is this. The dryer stopped.
I hope none of my shit shrank.