Motion Sensored Air Freshners

Wellp, it's happened. We've officially gone too far.
I saw it with my own eyes. A commercial on TV.
Not just any commercial. A commercial for Motion Sensored Air Freshners.
Because when I walk by a Glade plugin I wanna be shot in the face with a puff of rose petals.
It's not good enough that we're simply plugging the freshners into the outlets, letting them do their thing.
Now we need 'em to give a poof of Paprika as ya leave for work. I just walked through a cloud of my 60 buck cologne sponsored by some celebrity, but I want an additional squirt of 'mowed-lawn' for good measure.
Because I wanna smell like Farley from Tommy Boy (he was the BEST).
If you get Motion Sensored Air Freshners you're digging your own grave, pall. What if ya forget it's there one day and you've got a plate full of kool aids for the kids. You're walking down the hall to Johnny's room. Ya stroll by the land mine stashed behind the book on Yarn and KABLAMMO!
The gush of gorgonzola shoots into your eyes, you throw your hands up to your face, and in doing so, drop the tray of red kool aid on the new burbur rug and fall ass backwards through the second story window onto your brand new Hybrid, you gullible American tree hugger.
All because you wanted to be the first on your block to try it out.
Shame on you.
And now you've got a crushed spleen, dented Hybrid and a thirsty Johnny.