Sunday, May 31, 2009

Taking A Flight

Do we still need to remind passengers on airplanes that there's no smoking allowed? Really? Don't ya think we've got it down by now? Just curious.
Like you're sitting next to a granny and all the sudden she grabs a cancer-stick and starts to thumb a lighter. Just then the 'No Smoking' sign blinks on above her head, she's sees it, mumbles something about 'communist pigs' and puts the ciggey back in her purse. I've never seen that happen.
We all know not to smoke. It was established in the 70's, we've had 30 years to get it down. I think we're good.
So let's get rid of that icon above our heads and let's use that area for something else. I propose two new and useful icons.
The first being a butt with wind marks coming out and have it all in a circle with a line through it. No farting. It would be helpful to let people know.
The second would be a big mouth open with spit flying out. Again, put it in a cirlce and slash a line through it. This icon would double as both the 'No Crying Babies' icon and the 'No Loud Dumbasses' icon. We've all been around both, and we all dislike both.
And another thing, when the pilot comes on in the beginning and runs through the paths and angles and altitudes he's going to hit, he also says something to the effect of: 'We've got a great team to serve you today. '
Horsehit. He's the coach of a different team every game. He's got no clue.
He should say 'Yea, looks like we got Linda. She sucks. She'll knock your elbows with the cart 3 or 4 times BEFORE takeoff. We've also got Bruce, who's not good at anything at all and will probably wake you up when you're sleeping to offer you a plastic glass of apple juice. But then there's the new chick. Whoa. New chick's got glutes, son. I'd like to take this opportunity to invite her to the cabin for a mid flight game of 'Touch the Black Box.'
Be prepared for some mild turbulence, if ya catch my drift...and we're clear. We'll land in 4-6 hours, depending on some shit that I don't wanna get into. Good luck back there, thanks for flying with me. It's my first week. Fingers crossed.'

1 comment:

  1. Thank you. That made me laugh.

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