I've been tired a lot lately. I think it's from these dreams I've been having. I've been having dreams that I'm an animal. Like, a real animal. Kinda. But I'm doing real animal things. Pissing in the mud. Dumping in the bushes. Eating branches and rocks and eagles. I'm not a cool animal in these dreams, though.
I'm an otter. But I'm out of water, so I kinda resemble a beaver? But I'm definitely an otter except that I've got legs that look like a frog's. And they're covered in hair also so I'm this kind of hybrid mythical creature that's never been invented until just now. And that's refreshing.
So as this Otter/Frog combination I can roam woods, towns and townships freely. Completely freely and effortlessly because I can hop. I mean I can leap, man. And the other night I was leaping all over this glacier in the middle of the forest. And I was just leaping from one icey crag to another one, testing out my Otter/Frog body, which was holding up like it would in a dream.
I knew it was a dream. You know that feeling, right? You're asleep, but you're very aware that you're dreaming, and that you can kinda do whatever the fuck ya want cause after ya do, you can tell yourself to wake up and you'll be in bed with a smile on your face. Ha, busted dream! Nice try, I knew I was in you all along.
So I knew I was dreaming. After one of my massive jumps in my Otter/Frog body I landed on a log that stretched between two monster glaciers. Large glaciers, not actual glaciers that were in fact monsters. Just bigass glaciers.
And I begin to walk normally across the log. Apparently, I could walk normally, cause that's what I did. I guess the hopping was only relegated to times that weren't this time.
I hear some laughter and some fun happening in the direction I'm walking, which is always pleasant so I continue. I look up to see my family, all sitting around watching Entourage. They all just laughed at something that Drama said. Or Ari just got pissed and touched his nose cause he's acting like he's on drugs. They're having a ball together and I felt left out. And they were all human which made me feel left out even further.
As I began to walk faster I heard a voice from behind me.
'Get your ass off my log, Frogtter.'
I turned around to spy a big Cat Polar Bear number. Guess every animal needs to be a combo deal here. It had the head of a cat, and the body of a polar bear, and it sat like a cat does. On it's hind legs with it's front legs straight to the ground in front of it.
It's mouth moved after the words came out of it, like in one of those shittily dubbed kung fu movies. I only knew that cause right now its mouth was moving and nothing was coming out.
'I don't believe this to be your log, kind sir.' I heard the words before I felt my mouth move, so I guess I'm in the same kung fu movie the cat polar bear is.
I also realized I called it 'kind sir'. I think it's because it addressed me as 'Frogtter' , which meant that it recognized that indeed I was part otter and not beaver, and somewhere inside me that felt redeeming.
He looked at me for a second and licked himself. I waited. I've not tried to do that as Frogtter, but I think I shall soon. When he looked back up at me, his shoulders dropped and his eyes were large and filled with tears.
'Please. I've got nobody. My family left me when I was young. 'I was a mistake,' said my Grandfather, who then also left me. Please don't leave me now. I beg of you, sweet sweet Frogtter, King of the Mushmush Peninsula.'
This may be a dream, but dammit, I'm not heartless. I'm a King! Apparently. And as a king I'll rule with a gentle grip. I couldn't let the Mushmush Peninsula creatures down.
I turned around and walked slowly over the log back the way I came, and towards the PussyPoBear.
'Ok, ok. Don't cry big fella. You'll be alright. We can be friends and you can join me in my kingdom.' I said to the creature.
As soon as I got near, the sonofabitch's tears in his eyes froze into icicles and he broke one off in each hand and tried to stab me with them. Swear!
I've never been so embarrassed of how dumb I was in a dream. The gullible idiot king.
I immediately told myself to wake up and I did.
I then remembered it all and typed it out just now.
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