Wellp, I had one today. Boom. I had one. You know what I'm talking about, right? One of those 'moments'? Ya know, when you have the opportunity to do something good for some one or to ignore it and do nothing? Yep, the ultimate test of character. Dammit. I never saw it coming. I'll set the stage:
I was at my local grocery shit-hole, Wal-Mart. Not the big, red and blue Wal-Mart though. This is the grocery one. You can tell the difference cause this one is green. Makes sense. I was at the worst grocery store in Dallas and I had about 100 bucks worth of frozen food Lean Cuisines in my cart. All Chicken Tuscans. Every time I have one I feel like I'm in Tuscany. It's surreal how close they can get the flavoring in the frozen chicken lumps.
Ok, so I've got my Chicken Tuscans, some plastic cups and plastic forks, and some cat litter, and I'm going to the front to pay. Just inching along, knowing full-well the complete and total shit storm awaiting me called 'check-out.'
So I turn the corner and see that YET AGAIN they've decided that 2 cashiers out of a possible 14 stations is just about right for the after-work Monday crowd. They don't manage Wal-Marts for nothing, ya know.
So the two lines back up all the way into Dairy, but there's always the self-scanners I remember.
I u-turn my squeeling cart to the first one I find. Eureka! I push in front of some white trash couple and find myself to be Next in Line. I look around, triumphant. How come all these idiots don't use this line? Is it cause of the hand-written '20 items or less' sign on the front of the little conveyor belt? Look, if they couldn't take time to print it up properly, I'm not gonna take the time to read it. Mr. Wal-Mart would be ashamed of this store. Probably not actually. It's tough to be ashamed when you're drowning in gold buillion.
SO, my cart is full to the brim with over 40 items, mind you. I start unloading on the conveyor belt. I'm setting up shop regardles of the '20 items or less' handwritten joke of a sign.
Just then, some dude pops up behind me holding a roll of paper towels, a vitamin water and box of pop tarts, or condoms. Couldn't tell. He says, 'Whoa! The lines here are the worst!' as he gets behind me in line. But he didn't say it in a mean way like I was PART of the PROBLEM. It was in a 'cool-dude' way that made me think I was friends with him and that later we'd text each other about the Lakers game. We won't though, cause that's just the way you talk to people you don't know.
Anyway, he's kinda bouncing around a little back there. Not antsy, but kinda anxious. I could tell that he was in a hurry, kinda.
The moment hit me. BOOM. Let this dude go in front of me, or don't.
The woman in front of me finished up baggging her crap and left.
The screen begs 'English' or 'Spanish'.
The moment of truth. Be a good guy, or get home in time for absolutely nothing.
I tell the kid to go in front of me.
Are you sure? he asks.
Yeah, I'm sure. You've got 3 items, I've got over 50 Tuscans just on the top here.
He bounces in front of me and scans all 3 in a sweaty blur. He thanks me again and runs off.
I look to the sky and say, 'justin harder: plus 1' to signify my good deed. I figure that if I die and have around 50 good deed points, then I'll get into heaven no prob.
As I was pulling out of the parking lot, however, I almost hit a really obese woman. I cut her off cause I could tell how slow she was moving across the walkaway. She cursed at me. I flicked her the middle one.
justin harder, minus 1.
Back to even for the day.