Almost Genious

Posse Talk on Funny or Die

2012-02-06T14:26:00.000-08:00

Funny or Die doesn't allow 'embeds' so looks like I'll just have to post a link to it.

HERE IT IS

Hangin' with Justins: Posse Talk

2012-02-02T08:44:00.001-08:00

One guy has a gun and is in a posse and the other guy wants to follow suit.

This will be the last Justins for awhile.

“If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.”
― Charles Bukowski, Factotum

And here's one more from Bukowski.

Hangin' with Justins: Fraud Alert

2012-01-31T17:23:00.000-08:00

Glasses refuses to answer a phone call and Flattie does, which sends into motion a series of events that leads to Flattie discovering another not-so-sincere side to Glasses.

Like us at:
wwww.facebook.com/hanginwithjustins

This one's inspiration came on Monday, via, you guessed it, a Fraud Alert call from BOA. Upon hanging up with the wonderful financial institution, I immediately wrote and then filmed the sketch you just watched.

Girl with Dragon Tattoo Opening Title Sequence

2012-01-23T10:18:00.000-08:00

Hello out there, if you've not seen the opening title sequence to 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo', here they are.
I helped concept on them while working at Blur Studios in Venice. I chipped in extremely early on in the process, where we were basically just gathering reference to present to David Fincher, the director of the film.

I found a performance artist in Europe named Franko B that does some stupid things to his body while people watch, and I mainly focused on gathering reference along those lines. I lost sleep after looking for such disturbing material. I was sickened. My stomach hurt, my mind raced. Sweat shot from my every possible place that sweat shoots from.

Blur's work speaks for itself. The sequence rocks, punches you in the ear, and leaves you breathless and slightly nauseated. I know it did me.

HERE IT IS

Strange Case of Dad's Missing Head

2012-01-23T10:07:00.000-08:00

Absolutely gorgeous palette, insanely attractive silhouettes, dramatically animated.
Looks like this is a teaser done by a studio called Headless, which looks to be comprised of 4 individuals. Maybe they've got a team of freelancers, as well.
At any rate, overall this is a brilliant looking piece.

"THE STRANGE CASE OF DAD´S MISSING HEAD" teaser trailer 2008 from Headless Productions on Vimeo.

Doritos Fairy Spot

2012-01-21T13:32:00.000-08:00

I'm the fairy.

Jeff Fowler wrote and directed. He's an ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED Director, we should have won. Seriously though, Fowler directed an animated short in 2004 that got nominated for the Oscar, and now he's directing me prancing around in a tutu.

This commercial was for the Crash the Super Bowl Commercial Contest that Doritos puts on every year where the winning spots get shown during the big game.

We didn't make it into the finals, but we'll give it another shot next year!

Moonrise Kingdom

2012-01-13T06:01:00.001-08:00

Seldom do I watch trailers for films over and over. Usually, it's a one time view, a decision is made whether to see it or not, and I go about my life. We all do. And we all should.

However. When Wes Anderson's name pops up in the newsfeed with the arrival of the trailer for his new film, I jump.

He's the rare filmmaker who is allowed to do whatever it is he wants, seemingly. He knows his audience, and better yet, he knows himself. Will he ever direct a big budget action movie? Probably not. Will he ever use ridiculous CG to tell his story? Nope.

And that's exactly why I, and so many others, gravitate towards this man's work. He has stories to tell, he writes them, and he makes them. Ever since Bottle Rocket in 96'. I wasn't a massive fan of 'Darjeerling Limited', but every other Anderson pic, I've watched too many times to share.

And now, with 'Moonrise Kingdom', it looks like I'll be back in theaters opening weekend. Murray. Schwartzman. Quirky music. Locked off, symmetrically composed cinematography. Dry one liners that will worm their way into my dialogue immediately.

At any rate, I digress. Have a pleasant Friday, everyone, and be nice to one another if you can't think of anything else to do.

Modern Findings BLOG!

2012-01-12T14:20:00.000-08:00

Just found out a married couple co-workers of mine are into Mid-century Modern Furniture also, and also run an AMAZING blog with their findings!

Check out MODERN FINDINGS. Taste. Style. Class. Elegant. Simple.
I strive to one day have any of those.

Hangin' with Justins: Mind Reading

2012-01-07T10:44:00.000-08:00

Flattie's discovered a new talent.

I wrote this scrip a couple years ago for a series I was wanting to shoot called 'Ed&Jim,' about two middle class men that talked on a bench outside during their lunch breaks from Corporate Job.

I wanted to shoot a quick Justins, but the scripts I've got in the que are all pretty involved, needing multiple actors and locations, and I wasn't prepared for it. So I went through a bunch of old things I've written over the years and realized that I never got around to shooting this one. After some name changes and subtle tweaks, here it is.

I find that the more I do these shorts, the more the characters become exaggerrated versions of their original selves. I never meant for Flattie to be such a goofball, or Glasses to become as insipid as he sometimes is, but as with all of us in life, they've grown and evolved into how they are.

I hope you enjoy...and stay tuned for some big ones this year.

Harder Christmas 2011

2011-12-29T23:27:00.001-08:00

Shot over three days in December in Hinsdale and Chicago, IL.

Steve Jobs Comic Book in Forbes

2011-12-29T21:41:00.000-08:00

Hey there-If you're by a newsstand and you enjoy purchasing or looking through magazines, check out the latest issue of Forbes.
It's got a comic book detailing the Zen of Steve Jobs and I drew the cover! And came up with and illustrated the back cover, as well, so please, run, don't walk, to your nearest newsstand and purchase your copy yesterday!
Here's the cover and back cover layout...

The Airport Match-Up Game

2011-12-27T11:46:00.000-08:00

I'm always baffled by the person that matches your ID to your boarding pass before you go through airport security.

They look you straight in the eye, so apprehensive.

'What's this guy trying to pull over on me now?', says their eyes. Literally their eyes talk and say that.

They hold the ID up two inches from your face. Matching. Hmmm.

'Well, that used to be me,' I always quip.
They're never amused. Who would be? They don't care, they're busy sleuthing.

Matching names, streets, numbers. This is a serious and important situation, I know.

Then, once you've passed the Matching Face and Name game all is well in the cosmos. But don't get too excited because then they whip out their pen and just start marking shit up.

They circle your name. 'There's his name, let's circle that.'

They circle your flight number. 'Gotta get the flight number. Boom. There it is.'

Then a massive slash through the whole thing. 'Ya know what? Screw it, this needs one of these.'

They draw a goose in the corner. 'I've been practicing.'

It's not like the person at the gate is gonna look at this ticket, not let you through initially, then stumble upon the child-like markings bestowed upon your ticket by Billy the Kid at security and pass ya on.

This chicken-scratch, it means nothing.

Circle around my name? A massive X over the whole thing?

As long as my ticket beeps when they board me, it doesn't matter what my name is, or how many games of tic-tac-toe ya play on my boarding pass.

Hangin' with Justins: Christmas Spectacular

2011-12-19T09:27:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas from your favorite morons on a couch.

Merry Christmas from Justins

2011-12-16T17:25:00.000-08:00

Will be posting the 'Hangin' with Justins Christmas Spectacular' shortly.

Never Again

2011-12-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

It won't happen again, I swear. I've come a long way in my life, much too far to let what happened last night to ever transpire again.

I will not allow it. I will put forth all the necessary steps so last night's travesty does not take place.

Simply put: Next time, I'll read reviews of the movie before I go and see the movie.
Read and then see. Read. And then. See.

There is no excuse. Laziness, perhaps, but that's not an excuse, it's a mindset, and one in which I usually succeed in pulling myself away from.

But not last night. No, not when it mattered most, when I went on a date.
I brought a date to a movie that neither one of us knew a damn thing about. Recipe for failure? Since when did a little adventure ever hurt anyone?

Since last night. I answer the questions around here.

I went with the movie. Saw it in the paper, knew the actor, liked the time slot, boom, got the tickets. The time slot had a lot to do with it, actually, probably the most. I don't want the awkward slot so that you have to goto dinner at 4 in the afternoon. I also don't wanna show up for dinner at 10 at night. So, that slot really has a lot of power.

And this movie, it had a great slot. 8:30. Perfect slot.
I picked her up at 7:15, got to dinner round 7:30. Everything was as planned. Brilliantly choreographed. Flawlessly executed.

And then the dismount.

Flubbed it. Flubbed the dismount on the dumb idiot movie genius over here just 'went with.'

It's alright, we ended up making fun of it the whole time anyway and brought us together a little perhaps.

We then quickly grew apart again as soon as I forgot where the eff I parked the car. Never, and I repeat, NEVER be in such a hurry that you don't remember where you parked.

Life Lesson, people. Always remember where you parked.

New Drawings for Google

2011-12-01T18:02:00.000-08:00

Hello you, you tasty little unknown.
I've been drawing for money a lot lately, and here are some posters for a Google conference that I drew. These were done through the fine folks at JESS3!

And be on the lookout for my cover illustration for the Steve Jobs comic being release in Forbes next month!

Fall/Winter 2011 Pictures

2011-11-27T09:54:00.001-08:00

Doritos Super Bowl Commercial Contest

2011-11-20T20:12:00.001-08:00

Check out our Doritos Super Bowl Commercial Contest entry 'Dance of the Doritos Fairy.'

HERE

Jeff Fowler and I decided to do a commercial this year, mainly to just have some fun, see if we couldn't set a goal for ourselves, a deadline, and hit it.

I couldn't think of any good ideas, but Fowler, he came up with a doosey. 'Two words,' he told me. 'Doritos Fairy.'
I was in.

He put some feelers out for help with his work-buddies, and we got lucky enough to some bites. Chris Bedrosian stepped up big time and handled all the lighting, Derron Ross came in and knocked out some sick steady cam action, and Dan the Man killed it in post color work, rotoing and some CG tweakage.

We will see how it does. Finalists won't be announced for a month or so, which at that time will open up the voting.

If we make it that far, you can guarantee that I'll be tweeting, facebooking and promoting my happy little butt off to garner some votes for our fairy.

Doing Alright

2011-11-15T21:30:00.000-08:00

How are you? Are you doing alright? Whatever it is that you're doing, is it going alright?

I feel like we worry an awful lot about how people are doing. And we should, because a lot of people aren't doing alright. Whatever 'alright' is, they're not doing it.

But what is alright? It's a relative term. 'Alright' to me is getting steady work, making people laugh, talking with my friends, feeding my cat on time, making sure there's gas in my car, making sure that my credit card hasn't ballooned, pumping some iron, flexing my glutes, punch-dancing, dance-punching.

If I'm doing all of those things on a semi-regular basis, I'm 'doing alright.'

Alright, to me, encompasses some very special things, but it also has a few very trivial things. A few very trivial things that make me feel small. A lot of my peers, they've got responsibility now. They've got wives, husbands, kids, mortgages. I'm still playing in make-believe world. Literally. Sometimes I film myself talking to nobody in order to edit it into a short film, which will then hopefully make people laugh. And that's fine. That's called STAYING PETER. It's my motto.

But doing those things, for me, is doing alright.

This isn't the case for a lot of human beings. Doing alright means literally 'breathing.' A person critically injured or fighting a terrible illness is doing alright when they're still living.

I urge you today to take a look at your 'alrights'. Take an inventory of what things, activities in your life need completing so that you can feel 'alright.'

The next time someone asks you how you're doing, stop, and ask yourself the same thing. If you're 'doing alright' then, by all means, tell them.

But if you're not, make it so.

Comics Alliance Posting

2011-11-09T14:43:00.000-08:00

Very honored to be given a shout-out on Comics Alliance!
Obviously a massive comic reader growing up, but never actually having worked in the industry (yet!), it's very cool to get a call-out on one of the leading comic book sites online.
Thank you!

Hangin' with Justins: Blind Date

2011-11-08T15:28:00.000-08:00

Flattie's blind date doesn't quite goes as planned, but he can't bring himself to tell Glasses the truth.

'The Line'

2011-11-06T21:10:00.000-08:00

I remember a line I heard at a concert once.

It was a Third Eye Blind show (don't tune out, yet, please) at the Hard Rock Theater in Orlando, Fl, in 2000, I'm guessing. They weren't hugely popular anymore, but they still sold out venues. They probably still do. Some friends and I drove up from Sarasota, FL, about a 3 hour drive, to see them play. We were going to Ringling College of Art at the time, and wanted to party a bit. So, we probably hopped in my Jeep Wrangler, the same one I drive out in Cali, and headed out.

I was never a massive Third Eye Blind fan, but I think that I had all their CD's and one of their tunes was my graduating class's 'Class Song.' So, there's a bit of nostalgia lumped in with them, and it'd be cool to see 'em, right? Right. Why am I justifying listening to them as a teen to you, I don't even know you.

Back to 'The Line.' This line was said by the lead singer, Stephen Jenkins, towards the end of the show. And it was said during one of their hit singles, 'I'll Never Let You Go.'

You know the song, if you think about it really hard.
Da, na, na, na, naaa.
Da, na, na, na, naaa.
(Repeat, repeat)

And Jenkins is kinda awesome live, by the by. He nails the notes, struts, feels it, he's passionate. That's all I want to see in live music, anyway, the passion. That's what brings you back. These groups' passion. Show me honesty. Do it with honesty. Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk. Bring it.

Ah, but 'The Line.' This line, that Jenkins said, it came after this lyric:

'You tell me that I've changed.'

But before the next lyric began, he adlibbed a line after this first lyric.

Improv. He flipped the script. Sometimes bands do this cause they can't stand singing the same lyrics to the same songs over, and over, and over. And over.

But he didn't change the existing lyric, he simply added a bumper. So, here's what he said that's stuck with me for over 10 years, and will stick with me for the rest of my life, I'm certain.

'You tell me that I've changed.'

So far so good. Nothing unusual. That was supposed to be there...

And then this, 'The Line':

'YOU'RE G'DDAM RIGHT I'VE F*CKING CHANGED.'

Honest. Pure. Passionate.

To me, he's talking to a girl. She told him that he's changed, presumably, from her end, for the worse, and he agrees. But he doesn't see it in a negative light.

He's happy about it.

And that's what struck a chord with me.

I think we're kinda fed some BS by folks as we grow up. We're told to 'Never Change.' And that's some shitty advice.

Change is Good.
(Don't lose who you are as a person, or, if you were a crappy person, please do so)

I looked on Youtube to see if I couldn't dig it up, to see that I wasn't losing my mind, or maybe he said it differently, and I was kinda just hoping to hear it again, honestly, hoping that maybe he said 'The Line' at other performances, and as luck would have it, the sumbitch did.

Here it is, start watching around 3:05.

Good, You Should.

2011-11-01T23:31:00.001-07:00

I love to write and I decided to write a children's book. I wanted to say something with my children's book. Wanted to tell a story about an old man and a young boy, and the effect that the boy has on the old man.

I'll be drawing pictures for it soon, and I own 'goodyoushould.com', which I'll be turning into an interactive affirmation site focusing on user submitted responses and comments.

Without further adieu, here's my story.

Good, You Should

'I would if I could,' cried the man who should
Talking of nothing but hopes and woulds
Never realizing that he, of course, could
Only thinking about how he would only 'should'

That day on the hill, he met a boy, a boy who just did
Unlike the man, whose dreams were all hid
'Of course the boy lived, he's still just a kid!'
The man just wished he could live like the boy did

The boy told the man that he, too, could
The man shook his head, there's no way that he would
The boy stood up high and shouted he should
'The only way to do is to try, and to try, you could'

The man sat down and told him to leave
The boy would not budge that easily
He pulled at the man and tugged at his shirt
'Great people try and yes, it could hurt'

'I am afraid of what people will say, okay?
You're too old, you're too weak, you're too gray!'
'No no no,' said the boy, 'you're never too old to play
Stop the excuses and stop them today!'

'We both want to do, to live and to be!'
The boy was determined to make the man see
'Just open your eyes, you can be just like me
You only live once, why not live it free?'

'Ok,' said the man, 'I'm tired of saying won't!
Haha! I will if I try, I won't if I don't!
I'll live a full life and follow my heart!'
'Good, you should,' said the boy, 'and that's how it starts.'

The boy said goodbye to the man, the man that now will
Neither will ever forget that day on the hill
You're never too old to do what you planned
Just ask the boy, he'll give you a hand.

Tee Time? Now.

2011-11-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

I've lost the desire to be angry.
I've gained the desire for tranquility.
Peace. Quiet.
Because nobody listens anymore anyways. Do they? Does anyone listen?
I don't see it.
You've got idiots arguing on TV all the time, yelling over one another. Debating.
What a dumbass event. Debate? My debates are settled pretty quick like with a cut and a shoot.
That's right, I just attack anyone who dares argue with me.

In all unseriousness, I'm not as loud as I used to be, because I realized it doesn't matter. Why make so much noise? People are trying to sleep, read (ha), do chat roulette with their junk out.
Just keep it down already.

I saw a man punch himself in the face today on the street. Just right out of nowhere, full on deck himself in the face. Walking casually, albeit slightly jittery and twitchey, and then BAM. Right fist to right eye.

These types of events have got me to thinking about the human spirit. Look at what we can get through, as a human race. The drastic differences in people's psyche.

What would make a grown man punch himself in the face on the street. Was it a prank? I don't think so, I didn't see Kutcher anywhere with his trucker hat on. Coulda been hiding, sure, but still.

The pain of being that man. Such hate for oneself. Right?

Have you ever done something that you were absolutely ashamed of? Wondered how in the hell that you could ever do such a thing?

I have. Lots of times. Too many times.

Lies. Lying. We've all done it. No matter who you are, at some point in your life, you've lied.

And ya know why we lie? Because lying works. If you can stomach the lie, then you, my friend, have just become untouchable. I've known some fantastic liars in my day. Some of the best. I'd marvel at how easily it came to them. They'd lie about what they had for lunch. They'd lie about who their favorite sports team is.

Why would you lie about such trivial nuggets of nothing? I know why. To please people.

Liars are pleasers. They're afraid to let someone down, let them know the truth, and they want to keep the status quo, so they lie. The lie is like tape. Simply spread the lie over multiple surfaces, and it should cover you. But remember where you taped. Quickly, a lie can be forgotten about, like the clear tape sometimes is, and you might lie over a lie.

And two wrongs don't make a right, either. But four rights makes a square, so eventually, to me, if you lie enough, you'll end up right back where you started. Which isn't bad. But squares are pretty boring, they've got a rep for the mundane.

Sex. Everyone's always talking about sex, aren't they? Everybody's walking around with their stuff out, bouncing and jiggling around, bulging down low. Everyone's all horned up. I would love to see a society that doesn't think with their genitals.
Maybe that's why we're in debt? Too much money blown on our genital enhancements.

I wonder how much money is blown on enhancing our collective genital sizes every year?
Could I get that number? People love worrying about the size of their goods. Are they big enough? Small enough? Tight enough, thick enough?
My answer: probably not. But that's all-right. You hear me? It's fine.

For years I was worried about losing my hair. Oh man, I didn't want to lose my hair. I started going bald early, the year after high school, in fact.
I couldn't believe it. I was pissed. Why am I losing my hair, I would wonder. I need a wife and kids and a crappy job and the same routine before I could start losing that.

But it didn't matter. The hair wanted out, and I couldn't stop it.
Twelve years and a different person later, I simply don't care.
It's alright. It's fine. Acceptance is for quitters, I used to think. It's for simpletons.

Never accept anything in life, if you don't want to, I was told.
Don't like an outcome? Change it. Fight back. Fight the power. Never give up.

I was drowning in what I thought I should do. Drowning in other people's opinions and ideologies. Carrying bags. Bags and bags of 'shoulds.'

And 'shoulds' are heavy. Those things weigh a ton. They fat themselves on your conscience, which is already kinda feeble to begin with, and they use conscience's tiny hands to slap himself in his own face with.

Shoulds beat shouldn'ts in today's society.

Everyone gives into everything. Oh, is that the cool new thing? I want it. Let me put it on this brand new, cool phone I got that's loaded with all the cool things some cool people I know told me about.

Cool, new, hip, trendy, fresh, awesome, neat, wicked, sweet, kickass.

If something is any of that, is anything really any of it?

Should's beat Shouldn'ts.

Little Boat

2011-10-28T08:11:00.001-07:00

This short was linked off of Motionographer recently, and I, along with 220K other folks, watched as the Little Boat survives.

Sophisticated color palette, depth of field, cinematic quality. Was this supposed to have sound design? It played silent for me, and my speakers were on. I don't know.

It works either way.

Discourse

2011-10-27T22:09:00.001-07:00

Weeping softly into his shoulder, ah, only to wish he could take it all back.

The boy did not know what he had until it was gone, a more common mistake one could not endure.

Writer's block. I fear that becoming the freelancer that I've become has brought with it a great many sacrifices. I have little interaction with the outside world nowadays, and it's taken its toll.

Don't ask me to be anything but me. I will be a terrible version of him. I will be an outstanding version of me. I, daresay, will be the best version of me.

I've sat down to write quite a few times recently, touched the keyboard, looked into the screen, asked myself what I wanted to say, and I've answered with the same 'I don't know' time and time again.

It seems to me that I've touched upon so many surface issues over the years. I've spoken my mind to no end on matters of the superficial sort. But I've not gotten too terribly deep, and that makes me wonder.

Am I deep? Are any of us truly deep? What constitutes 'deep'? A vast knowledge of random and unique facts, obscure bands of the independent sort, a desire to love, to feel, to know what it's like to have the reciprocation of those feelings? The pursuit of knowledge, the use of massive, multi-syllabled words or insightful anecdotes, staring off into space, using narcotics, wondering about life, curious about how we came to be? Being named Trevor or Mooney Five?

Who is the deepest person you know? Do you desire to be as 'unique' as them? Do you desire to have the same know-how as them, their moxy under scrutiny, their sense of self, the world around them, their relation to the earth, or time, or the mark they will leave once they're gone?

Sometimes I feel brilliant. Other times I feel like I need to return to middle school for a brush up in common sense. I'm guessing this is the same for most people?

And what of people's selfish, vindictive desire to win at all costs? Win? Again, winners are defined differently, the definitions seem to be relative. Luckily, we have sports to tell us exactly who the winners and losers are in life. But how relative are pro sports, really? Even the losers walk away with more money than they know what to do with. But does having vast amounts of money make a winner? Seems like capitalism points to yes, in our country, I'd say that'd be a fair statement.

You can impart wisdom, thoughts, ideas to the listening ear, but the listening ear might not hear it. Hearing what someone is saying is different than listening.

Everything is relative. Happiness is relative. Sadness is relative. Every emotion is relative.

Emotions are thrust into your mind somehow. How? Someone gives you a compliment, you get happy. Gives you an insult, you're sad, or mad.

People affect. That's what we do best.
We affect one another. Come into contact with me and I will affect you in some way, as you will me. It can be the dip of your chin, the quiet laugh, your eyes looking at me right before you turn your head, but you will affect me. And that's only referencing women.

And it doesn't even matter how close that person is to you, it could be a total stranger that might not know the first thing about you, but they say one cross remark to you and you go red.

It's all relative.

That's as far as I've got so far in life. 'Don't take anything personally' is a piece of advice found in 'The Four Agreements', and I believe in that statement.

Hold strong to you convictions. Trust in yourself.

Humph. This sounds like self-help.

And maybe it is.

The Armory Reps

2011-10-21T00:15:00.000-07:00

I've been signed to The Armory for representation in Directorial and Illustration work. Check out the stable of talent they've got so far. And the guys couldn't be cooler. I'm excited for the possibilities with this hungry group. They've got drive, passion, and the talent to do what they talk about.
Let's go.
The Armory

Best Man Speech

2011-10-18T15:15:00.000-07:00

My little brother was married to his lovely girlfriend/fiance in June of this year. He asked me to be one of his two best men, the other being our eldest brother.

I said 'fine.'

I knew what this meant. It meant I had to get up in front of others and talk about my little brother at a large gathering of people wearing their Sunday finery. This made me slightly nervous. What also made me nervous was that my little brother has made the bad habit of looking up to me, which makes it even more of a challenge, cause what I have to say is actually going to be listened to.

Everyone that's ever given a Maid of Honor or Best Man speech knows that the best route is to just speak from the heart. Agreed? Agreed. Shoot 'em straight. Some say that 'winging it' is best.

But 'winging it' isn't deserving enough of my little brother. I needed to express myself. I don't do it often to those I love, and that's something I bet we're all guilty of every once in awhile, but this was my opportunity. This was my chance to tell him what he means to me, his family, his friends.

What an incredible opportunity. I put more pressure on myself to write something stellar than I've ever put on myself for anything I've done.

After months of sitting down, beginning, stopping, re-starting, stopping, growing frustrated, forgetting about it, remembering about it, so on and so forth, it all finally came to me in one airplane ride.

Here it is:

When you goto give speech, act nervous.

'Hello, I'm Justin...Jon's other brother. I wrote...uhhh..something...'

Pull out a tiny, shredded piece of napkin with 'speech' on it. Hold with two hands. Squint.

'To Joan...(stumble, look up, embarrassed) Jon. I love you. You're a great bro-'

Flip napkin over.

'-ther. (pause. Wipe sweat from forehead. Look around. Take time. Put napkin back in pocket. Reach for ipad, Eric will be holding it. milk it.)

'Ah, forget that one. I wrote something else, too.'

Grab Ipad and begin.

'The say don't blink or you'll miss it.
Well, I think I must have blinked somewhere along the way, because I missed it.
I missed when my little brother became a man.

It must have been somewhere between the butt pad undies when he was six and today.
The all star selections in every sport he ever played and today.
The goosebumps, the vids, the pogs.
The going off for 12 straight points in a fraternity game and today.
The 90mph fastball, The high school all time rebounding record, the SMU masters degree, the law school entrance, the world of Warcraft, and today.

And then I thought of something.
It must have been the moment he met Blair.

Jon- you're getting a beautiful wife with a quick sense of humor, a massive heart and an even bigger smile. You're getting a woman who is a wonderful teacher, sister, daughter and above all else, person. To find such a complete person in today's world is tough, take it from me, the loser with no date to his little brother's wedding. (Who wrote this? -act confused)

Blair-you're getting a husband who is strong, caring, handsome, funny, loving and genuine. He is, by far, the best little brother in the world.
It's true, I checked.
He's perfectly imperfect, massively talented, and a man of his word.
He is, however, not much on car care. Looks like they filmed the trash compactor scene from Stars Wars in his front seat.

So, Jon and Blair- I, along with the rest of the people in this room, wish you a
happily ever after.

But remember, fairy tales aren't always like the ones we see in the movies.
There are rarely little mice or hummingbirds around to dress us in the morning.
Or a talking crab to comb our hair with dinglehoppers, er, forks.
Or a fast talking blue genie to grant us everything we've ever wanted.

But those fairy tales do get one thing right.
And that's Love.
We are all here today for your love, Jonboy and Blairski.

I mean, look at this place!
Lookit how hot everyone is, all gussied up.
For you two!
Take it in.
Maybe Kiss each other.
No, like really, kiss each other, like make out.
We're waiting. (they kiss)

Geesh. Gross, get a room.

In conclusion: Don't ever blink.
Don't miss any of your happily ever after.

I love you.

Hangin' with Justins: Stand Up Routine

2011-10-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

Here's a new short.Flattie Justin's new stand-up routine is a bit edgier than Glasses Justin expected.

SpiderMan and Some Advice

2011-10-14T11:50:00.001-07:00

Here's a little SpiderMan sketch I did this morning, hot on the heels of The Flash one I did last night.

I'm having fun drawing again. It goes in waves for me. Sometimes I'll want to draw, sometimes I'll want to write or film or act or edit. It's healthy to keep a steady balance of each, to make room for everything in your life.

Everything in moderation, right? But I'm not sure the BEST of the BEST ever listened to that motto. They found their thing, and they did it until they killed it. And then when it died, they killed it some more.

And some more.

And even when there was nothing left of the thing they first loved, nothing at all resembling what they loved about it in the first place, they killed it some more.

And then they moved on.

I was recently told to stop making my 'Hangin' with Justins' webisodes.
I was told that I needed an editor, and that I needed help in shooting.
I was pretty much wasting my time with them.

When these words left this opinionated person's mouth and hit my ears, I felt like a bully just shoved my son(that I don't have) on the playground.

Inside, I was livid. I wanted to knock this person the fuck out, honestly. And I don't even know how to do that, except I guess you just punch them in the face with your fist real hard-like.

But I let the immature, youthful Justin calm down, and I smiled at the bearer of the delightfully sour opinions.

I know I'm not an editor, never claimed to be.
I know I'm not a director of photography, never claimed to be.
I know the 'Justins' series is flippant, organic, and lots of times misses the mark, and other times just barely grazes the mark.

But I LOVE DOING THEM. And I'm going to kill them. Because that's what it will take to make them great.

At some point, I'll be done with them, and the River of Life's Interests will take me somewhere else, some foreign and undiscovered corner of curiosity that we all seem to find sooner or later. That's what the River of Life does. It moves on.

But until that day comes, I'm going to keep making them.

So, I thanked this person for their advice, and I moved on.

They're going to make fun fodder for an upcoming episode, 'ADVICE FROM AGENTS'

Oh, and one more thing:
Instant gratification is a loathsome bitch, honestly. Beware her appeal. Lord knows I can't.

The Flash (Do your one thing BEST)

2011-10-13T21:18:00.001-07:00

Show of hands out there for fans of the mid-90's short-lived television series 'The Flash'?

Hmmm...not seeing too many hands.

But I've got 'em both up right now, which makes typing tricky.

I've always thought The Flash got slighted in the 'superpower' department, though. So what, he can run fast. So can Superman. And you can shoot Superman in the eye with a bullet and he won't even blink. You shoot The Flash in the eye and he'll not only blink, his head will explode.

That is, if you could shoot him in the eye, which, of course, you couldn't. Because, ya know, he's too freaking fast to be shot in the face by a silly bullet.

But is that enough? Is that enough to be a world class superhero? I don't know anymore.

Ya can't catch the guy, that's for sure. But there's no super human strength, no flying ability, no laser eyes, no metal claws, no spider web slinging ability for climbing.

Seems like The Flash is a bit of a one-note superhero, if ya ask me. But maybe that's why I dig him so much. He may only have one thing, but godammit, he does it THE BEST.

How many people out there can say they do their one THING, the BEST. I can't, that's for sure. Our current society tells us that we need keep it varied, be a 'jack of all trades, master of none.'

The Flash says 'EFF THAT, childrens. I'm going to run, and when I say RUN, I mean really effing RUN. And if I ever have to pick something up that's crushing someone, or catch something from landing on someone, well, I'm just going to run to Superman's house and get his ass to do it cause that's what his ass does.'

DARTH

2011-10-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

Had some fun drawing Darth Vader this evening. I always thought Darth Vader was scary as a kid, but now that I'm a big boy and I've re-watched the Star Wars, I've realized that his head is too big to be scary.

Go back and watch it. His helmet is massive, which is exactly why Spaceballs spoofed it with Darth Helmet. Kinda like Batman's mask in the 1989 Michael Keaton version. His mask is massive. He walks wobbly. He's too stiff. And it all stems from the big noggin.

It's not scary, it's a bobblehead.

Babies have big heads, and who's scared of a baby? Nobody.

Hangin' with Justins: Dream On

2011-09-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

Flattie demands secrecy from Glasses when he reveals a sensitive matter.

Art of CLAUS Book

2011-09-22T08:58:00.003-07:00

If you're looking for a present for the person that's got it all, wellp, this is the present. They don't have this yet, guaranteed. 'Art of CLAUS' is perfect for coffee tables and under the short leg on the wobbly chair; this book encompasses 80 killer, full-color, drop-dead gorgeous images I've made over the past few years.

Art of CLAUS is available in softcover, hardcover, and hardcover wrap HERE

Hangin' with Justins: Landline

2011-09-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

An item of years passed disrupts the guys' reading day and brings them to the brink of fisticuffs.

Axis of Awesome '4 Chords'

2011-09-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

I went to the Hollywood Improv last night and heard these guys do this song live. The version they did last night had 'Double Rainbow' in it, as well, but looks like this live version was recorded before that little ditty made it massive.

One Year Later

2011-09-14T14:31:00.001-07:00

One year later and I'm still talking to myself. It's been a full year since my first 'Hangin' with Justins,' and I'd thought I'd post the first one here because it's helpful to look back on what we've done, every so often. To see where we've come, and where we need to go.

This first one is crude, the audio overlaps incorrectly, the lighting is nasty, but the idea is there, and that's all I really cared about back then. Hell, it's still all I care about. Glasses doesn't even have glasses in this first iteration.

I now have a fancy camera and fancy audio in order to make these videos look as 'pro' as I can by myself, but there's something to be said for taking the tools you have at your disposal, not using any excuses, and making something.

That's the one thing I hear a lot of out here in LA (well, in life in general, I suppose)...talk. Talkie, talkie, let's do this, let's do that, let's get together and make stuff, let's go roll up our jeans and bike around town and punch bums. People talk themselves into believing they're do'ers. They think if they mention it enough, they can fake themselves into thinking that they ACTUALLY do create things. This mindset fascinates me to no end.

I urge you to make the things you talk about. Stand good on your word. Hold yourself accountable for the things you say you will do. If you've got an idea to make something and need a lot of people's help to make it, start smaller. Cut out the fat, try to figure out a way to start right now, by yourself.

Bring in other people that are specialists in their profession to do what they're best at. But never underestimate what you can do by yourself.

The video embedded below may fall short in MANY areas. I will be the first to stand up and say I've got a long way to go before I'm making feature films, but I'm trying.
You have to start somewhere.

Here's to 'Do'ers.'

Hangin' with Justins: The Flattie from Justin Claus Harder on Vimeo.

The Good Seat

2011-09-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

We all know which one it is. We all want it.
It's the Good Seat.

Every restaurant, coffee shop, book store, patio or any other place with table seating has them. They're the seats that face the action. They're in the perfect spot. They can see it all. They're Good.

The last thing I want to do, as a single male, is to go out with my friends and not get the Good Seat. I should be the one to get the Good Seat, right? I'm the one with the chances of actually partaking in any of the action, right?

Wrong. I take the shitter. I give up the Good Seat for my married friends, literally, all the time. It's the right thing to do. They're the ones going home to the same woman every night, at least give them the joy of having the Good Seat at dinner, you selfish SOB.

I've grown accustomed to letting my friends walk in front of me, so that they may take the Seat with the view, while I linger behind like a dusted crop and take the wall-view. I'm forced to watch them, watching the action.
Such a cruel punishment, isn't it?

Watching them look around, smile or nod at who the hell knows what, laugh or point at whatever it is going on behind you, in the action, in the thick of it all, so much awesome shit is happening right behind you, you effing moron, but no, you had to be the nice guy, you had to give up the right to see all the awesomeness cause you wanted to give your buddy the Good Seat.

Ya know what? Eff your buddy. He's the guy that went and got married. He deserves to be watching you watch the action, not the other way around.

So tonight I demanded a flip flop. Yep. Right then and there. I was in the Bad Seat, he was in the Good Seat. He was all wide eyed and smiley and I'd had enough.

'I want the Good Seat.' I said. Firmly. He asked why. I told him I was tired of looking at him and the wall.

He knew I was serious. And I was. So he caved. And we flipped.

A grown man can only take so much of watching another grown man have fun without demanding to be included. This was my breaking point. I reached it.

In conclusion, all you nice guys and girls out there taking the Bad Seat for your engaged, coupled off, of married friends: Stand up for yourself.

Let your voices be heard! Why waste a Good Seat on someone who has already chosen their seat.

Single people: Take the Good Seat Back.

NYC

2011-09-13T15:07:00.000-07:00

Made this video one year ago after my trip in September.

A Weekend in September

2011-09-12T20:41:00.001-07:00

I shot with my camera this weekend when I went home to visit my family in Texas. This was to be the last weekend that my older brother Eric, his wife Amanda, and their newborn Henry were to be there as Eric's job is moving them to Chicago. Needless to say, the entire weekend was a bit bittersweet.

Henry's only 3 months old and he's already tearing up 'Home and Garden' magazine.
And I'm proud to say that I brought him that colorful wooden toy number he's playing with in his chair, apparently one of the few things that have kept his attention thus far.

I intend to make little movies like this every time I go visit them in Illinois.

Texas Fight

2011-09-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

Went back to Texas to see my family this weekend...a big recent draw being our new little addition, Mister Henry, my elder brother and his wife's baby boy.
He's the incredible handsome one staring at the camera in the top pic, chilling in White Tiger's cradle grip.
Oh, and I've got some serious rants working themselves up lately. Bout to re-think this whole 'no more writing on my blog' deal.

Art of CLAUS Book

2011-09-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

I self published an 'Art of CLAUS' book for fun. The book's got 85 full-color images ranging from characters designs, sketches, background paintings, concept art, and commercial style frames I've done over the past 3 years.
It's kinda humbling seeing so many hours of your life printed out, bound and slapped in between a couple covers like this.
If you want to pick one up for your loved/unloved ones, the new girl at the office, or just because you want to say you did something art-culture related, then by all means buy one or more HERE.

Hangin' with Justins: Too Hot

2011-08-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

Flattie and Glasses are overcome by heat exhaustion until they realize that they might not have it too bad after all.

Work

2011-08-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

I've had an angular mindset lately. Relationships of shape and color cutting through the space in which they reside, lines and flat color dividing the canvas, creating pathways and depth.

Here are a few recent exercises. I spent no longer than 10 minutes on each one. I feel it necessary to not linger on the work, I find abstract modern art very unforgiving in that way. You don't continue to run a race once it's complete. It's done, you move on.

The problem is is that it gets difficult to know when you're done when you're working abstractly. Some will finish when they say what they wanted to say. Unfortunately, as they're saying one thing, they might think up another.

The ending is not finite, it's a mere resting point along the way to another resting point, which then might become the end. Nothing is ever finished in modern art, or in life, but pieces can be overworked.

Help me if I ever overwork anything.

Enjoy.

Wake Up

2011-08-27T21:45:00.000-07:00

It's not that I found any of what she was saying to be of the remotest of interests, but I just didn't want to get out of the car. It was unseasonably cold tonight. How many times would I have to say 'I don't know' in order for her to keep talking.

It's like 10 degrees out. A pause in her speaking, shit, come up with something, use the line about the thing. Remembered it just in time. She bought it. Should get a few more minutes in the warmth. I smiled and looked outside. She asked me about my family.

I wonder where the homeless would go on a cold night like tonight. A cardboard box doesn't seem very warm, it's only one ply, I suppose you can always sleep under a few of them. That would double, triple the heat, I'm sure. Bums have it pretty good. They get money from people for nothing. Bums come up with a clever little saying on a sign and then get a coin tossed their way.

Metaphor for life, really. Don't we all just kind of hold up our little cleverly worded sign, hoping to get a buck tossed our way? Sure we do. A diploma is the same as a cleverly worded cardboard sign. The more prestigious the school, the more cleverly worded saying on the sign.

I decided to let her know I just thought up a metaphor for life, if nothing it would get some more time in the car and the heat. I told her, but she didn't find it quite as wonderful as I did, and I think that hurt my feeling.

I've only got one left, ever since my girlfriend left me for some better looking guy and I've been going out with randoms to pass the lonely, sleepless, God-awful nights.

It was only three months and nine days ago, but may as well have been yesterday. Yesterday was a shitty day, so it could have been yesterday. But it wasn't yesterday, it was three months and nine days ago. 10 days tomorrow.

So here I sit, feeling hurt, only one feeling left and it was definitely damaged by her lack of response to my newly discovered cardboard metaphor for life. Forget this chick. The cold didn't look so bad right now. I touched the inside of the window, it was freezing. Better stay put.

I decided to explain to her why my cardboard sign metaphor is actually good, it was really cold outside after all. Maybe I sold it better this time, cause car girl saw the light. She thought it was brilliant, and as she was telling me it was brilliant she slipped into a story about her Dad. Apparently her Dad lost his job last year and ran out on her and her Mom because he was embarrassed of his sudden fall from grace. So, essentially, that bum with the sign was her Dad in her own world. That's what she had going on in her mind, and once she mentioned that to me, her tears started falling.

I can't pretend to know a thing like that, I told her. She wanted me to leave the car now, she was tired, and I made her mad. I thumbed the heater up to the max it's silly plastic face would allow. Cranked it. I was going to miss this heat. It looked colder now outside.

But she wanted me out of the car, so I mustered up the strength, told her I loved her, and pushed the door open. She stopped me and asked me what I just said.

I told her I said 'Bye.'
She said I didn't say that, that I told her I loved her.

I didn't even realize I said it. I thought I just said 'Bye'. Her face looked silly, really, harsh light from outside the car splashed onto her head, making it look larger than normal. Did she have a big head? I couldn't go out with a girl with a big head, and now she thinks I just told her I loved her.

Damn it's cold out. I wish I could jump back in the car, maybe if I told her I loved her again I could squeeze a few extra minutes next to the heater.

She asked me what I was thinking. I told her I was thinking that I was cold. She asked me if that was all? Yes, I said. This seemed to upset her and she told me to never talk to her again.

She pulled the door shut from the inside, cut me off from the heat, and drove away.

I walked home that night in the cold. Along the way I stopped next to a bum that was covered in cardboard and gently kicked him. He awoke with a start, but I calmed him down and asked if he would mind if I grabbed a cardboard slice from him. He said no, so I just took it from him.

I brought the piece of cardboard over to a secluded corner near an alley. It looked inviting enough, near the garbage dump, probably was warm, too. I circled the spot three or four times as I've seen dogs do, and then hunkered down. I pulled the cardboard on top of me and saw that it had some writing on it.

In big, black letters, the bum had written 'Will write on cardboard sign for food.'

I smiled as I pulled the diploma up over me and went to sleep.

STAYING PETER

2011-08-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

Celebrated my 31st birthday at Disneyland yesterday with my parents.
We're big fans of the Disney. And not only that, I'm a massive fan of STAYING a fan of Disney.

We bumped into Peter Pan and Wendy and I immediately knew I had to get a picture with them. See, I made a short film earlier this year that I called 'STAY PETER' and is basically about not letting go of your dreams, no matter how old you become, or how many people tell you to.

So, in a way, STAY PETER is my mantra. You can use it too, anytime you feel yourself becoming a 'grown up' or having to deal with a lot of big, important decisions in your life that get you stressed or anxious or frustrated.

Anytime you are overwhelmed by this massive world we live in, just remember to STAY PETER. Keep your chin up and give 'em hell.

Teen Choice Awards 2011 Designs

2011-08-07T22:58:00.000-07:00

Hello there! I was asked by Blur Studios in Venice, CA to design some surfboards for the Teen Choice Awards this year. The surfboards are their version of Oscars, pretty much, they're the trophies of the whole shi-bang.

Teen Choice's direction was different this year than in the past. They wanted to 'up' age themselves, rid their brand and look of the palm trees, hawaiin leis, tribal tattoo action and sunbursts. Simple, clean, mature. Teens can handle it nowadays. I couldn't agree more.

They wanted mature, and they came to the right guy. I'm so mature it hurts sometimes.

So, I watched this year's telecast of the ceremony and saw that while they didn't choose my exact design, I can definitely see that some of my designs inspired their final look.

Enjoy and cowabunga, dudes!

And here are the final boards from the awards show!

Hangin' with Justins: Flattie in Corner

2011-08-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

Glasses comes home from work to find Flattie at wit's end, bummed out and drunk after an audition.
Glasses does everything he can to lift his spirits, but ultimately realizes that Flattie's pain goes deeper than he initially thought.

Thanks to Chad Madden who finally got me to use a REAL MIC. WOW. The difference is inspiring.

Hangin' with Justins: Beach Day

2011-07-20T14:04:00.001-07:00

When Flattie Justin decides to wear his new swimsuit, Glasses Justin decides he shouldn't.

Music by
Lady Gaga
Used Without Permission

Hangin' with Justins: Girls

2011-07-07T19:03:00.002-07:00

Flattie Justin and Glasses Justin rarely agree on anything. Where to find ladies is no exception.

I shot this on the Canon 60D with their stock 18-135mm lens and then a 50mm for the closeups. Shooting this short and seeing the difference in the quality of footage really has thrown some wood on my fire. Not that the fire needed it, but I think all of our fires need a little poking every once in awhile, and seeing possibilities does exactly that for me.
I now want to take my time with these things...write, and re-write. Tighten the screws until it can't get any tighter. Color correct the footage. Tweak the audio. Basically, really make a product of quality.
And when I can't seem to do any of that right, I'll just post it and go get some Sonic.
Cause honestly? Enough already.

New Footage Stills

2011-07-06T20:06:00.001-07:00

I've been wanting to up the ante with some short filmmaking I've been doing, so I decided to get a new camera.
Here are some stills from a new 'Justins' short I'm doing...I'm pretty happy with the quality I'm able to achieve so far. Not sure if this will be the final color correction, but it felt right initially, so who knows.

Big Hands

2011-07-01T12:36:00.001-07:00

I felt like drawing another cowboy. But this time, I didn't want to use any normal colors associated with cowboys. Browns, yellows, tans. This guy is bright.

Hangin' with Justins: Talk Facebook

2011-06-27T12:35:00.001-07:00

OFFF Barcelona Titles

2011-06-27T12:14:00.001-07:00

This is incredible. (Full Screen it)

Year Zero - OFFF Barcelona 2011 Main Titles from PostPanic on Vimeo.

No More Writey

2011-06-24T19:37:00.001-07:00

Hello, devoted, semi-devoted and un-devoted followers to this blog.
I'm going to take a little break from writing blogs here so that I can focus on script writing.
Not a long break, hopefully, but just a small hiatus.
I'll still post videos, inspiration, things I like and hope you like, too.

And I'll tweet still-
HERE

And if you get an urge to read some silly anecdotes, please read the book I wrote.
Almost Genious

Thanks for the memories, blogger. I'll see you soon. And now for some normal, regular, cliche' break-up lines-

It's not you, it's me.
I'll always care for you, but I just need to be friends now.
Your friend is hotter and we've been hooking up for awhile now.
I can't stand your laugh or smile and you always walk ahead of me.
I would have loved you more if you wouldn't have been such a raving beotch.
I think we need to go separate ways. Like me to Happy Land and you to Hell.
I never liked your family but your mom and I kissed once.

Nuggets

2011-06-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

The old man that lives beneath me likes to curse all day long at the top of his lungs. I always wonder what the top of his lungs do to deserve such belittlings.

Honesty, above all else, is paramount in a healthy relationship. But not necessarily a fun one.

In some instances, the ability to 'reason' will save you. And in some other instances? The ability to 'run like the wind.'

Last time I fought the law, yes, it did win, but to be perfectly honest, I gave it a helluva fight.

Zach Galifianakis's SNL Monologue and 'Annie' Performance

2011-06-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

Hardest I've ever laughed at an SNL monologue, probably because it was just his standup act on the SNL stage. The SNL writers got a much needed break on this one.
He is untouchable.

Zach Galifianakis's SNL Monologue and 'Annie' Performance - watch more funny videos

Big Week

2011-06-21T18:11:00.000-07:00

Older brother and his wife had their first child.
Little brother gets married.
I ordered a #4 meal from Sonic.
Been a big week for all of us.

Sidenote--Why don't take a picture, it'll last longer? Don't mind if I do. I've been really having fun with photography as of late. Here are some of those pics. Will post some from my recent trip to Disneyland.

Hangin' with Justins: Storytime

2011-06-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

Upon completion of his first novel, Flattie decides to share one of the stories from it with Glasses.

Almost Genious
available now at
http://www.blurb.com/user/store/juiceharder

Dirk

2011-06-14T16:10:00.000-07:00

In honor of the Mavs winning the Championship, I sketched a quick Dirk fade-away, arguably the most potent shot in the history of basketball.

Pull for Dallas

2011-06-03T08:43:00.001-07:00

Article by Rick Reilly HERE

Recent Shots

2011-06-02T13:48:00.001-07:00

Been shooting Santa Monica with the Hipstamatic app on the iphone recently. Yes, it's way overused but for good reason. It's pretty stinkin' cool.
Here are some of those shots.

From a house on a hill.

My trip to the Moon.

Dueling Flatties.

Me standing normally.

Dream Car.

Mulholland Drive.

Sidewinder Beach.

Standing Normally at the Beach in 1950.

Double O Red Letters.

New Business Cards.

Cat in the Tub.

Movie-Going Types

2011-05-29T23:07:00.000-07:00

Went to the theater last night to see Hangover Part II and realized a big trend in R-comedy blockbuster filmmaking nowadays: showing the flaccid male genitalia. Guess that's cause the flaccid weenie is just funny looking? What are we laughing at here, exactly. Regardless, it gets a laugh, and when you're paying 12 bucks a tickie, ya need the concrete laughs, I guess.

An older guy next to me had his 7 year old son with him. OK, I didn't know exactly how old, but somewhere in the 5, 6, 7, 3 range. Whatta crappy parent that guy is. Bringing your toddler to Hangover 2, a film in which (spoiler alert) a naked woman shows her flaccid penis. Wait, doesn't that dingie make her a man? Yea, but whaddabout the breasts? So, he's a woman again? I was, and still am, confused.

Hey, but that's something I wanna expose my 7 year old innocent son to. A naked woman/man. What happened to bringing your kids to, what were those again? Oh yea. NOT RATED R MOVIES.

But here's the best part, on the way out of the theater I overheard the kid say that he liked this Hangover better than the first Hangover. So that's a feather in the cap if you're the filmmaker, I suppose.

But looking at the various types of people in the theater, I've realized they are exactly that: types. The following list of types may be incomplete, but it's a start:

The CACKLER.
She-devil. This is a banshee of a woman. A shrill, high pitch cackle pierces the dank air of the theater at all of the big laugh and small laugh moments. Hell, even the no-laugh moments. It matters not. She laughs at everything and nothing. She is our worst enemy.

The MUMBLER.
This guy. He can't seem to figure out a damn thing in even the simplest of films. A guy in the movie walks into a bank, this moron mumbles aloud 'Why's he going to the bank? What's he doin' with the blue sweater on? Why the new haircut?' Shuddup, you ninny. It's all a mystery to this jackass. He needs a bag of popcorn jammed down his piehole and I'm just the fed-up d-bag to do it.

The PREDICTOR.
This butt-head is an evolution of the MUMBLER, but this poor-man's Nostradamus mumbles his predictions to any poor soul within 3 rows. 'The car won't start this time,' he sputters into his spouse's unlistening ear. I've actually slapped this guy in the neck with some Twizzlers once, it shut hum up. Try it.

The REPEATER.
We all heard it the first time, from a working, professional actor, and yet here you are, fat, disgusting and repetitive. Just shut the mouth and laugh like everyone else. You're a dumbass.

The PARTICIPATOR.
No matter how loud you yell, the actors can't hear you. They're going to do their thing on-screen regardless of whether or not you think it's a bad idea. 'Oh no, don't go in there,' they guffaw at the screen as the on-screen hero approaches a door.
Geesh. Just sit down, stop pointing, and put a Whopper in it, you make me sick.

The TEXTERS.
In a movie? On a date? You better text someone! Pull out the flip phone on bright mode and text it up, but heed my warning: If you're not tweeting about how you're ruining everyone's movie-going experience, I'm going to rip off your thumbs and stick 'em in your date's popcorn bag. I'm pretty strong.

The GET A ROOM-ERS.
You know these two. Spot 'em from five rows away. The guy's low in his seat, the girl's shorts are nonexistent in the chair. She's nibbling his ear. The guy's hands are in between her legs, sneaky grin, just waiting for the lights to go down, or not waiting, more often than not. I didn't realize I bought a ticket for 'Exhibitionists: The Movie, starring the GET A ROOM-ERS.' Guess it's a double feature. The movie I paid for and this other movie, with the unattractive couple about to make babies.

The ANALYZER.
This one's a dork. This one's me. Wellp, and others like me who worry every time they walk into a theater, fearing that any one of the above mentioned types may pop up and ruin the shit outta their movie-going experience.

We all pay good moolah to sit in a dark room with strangers and watch a screen for two hours. Good money. And I don't like having my good money pooped on by some punks that don't take it seriously.

Sit down. Shut your Milk Dud hole. Drink your coke. Eat the popcorn. Laugh. Smile. Cry. Leave the theater at a leisurely pace.

And if it's an rated-R flick, make sure to bring your 5,6,7 or 3 year-old, cause you need to acclimate them to some filthy language, naked women/men, drugs, alcohol and sexy time boobies.
Immediately.

Don't you dare wait for the second installment, either. Get 'em in on the first one, apparently.

BTW. I've been every one of the types mentioned above at some point in my life. Don't hate. Write what you know.

'Almost Genious' Variant Cover

2011-05-28T12:31:00.001-07:00

Put this 'Almost Genious' variant cover up for purchase HERE

'Almost Genious' is Published

2011-05-24T16:11:00.001-07:00

I've been writing on this blog for about 4 years now. I've written a lot. I know that I've written a lot because I recently decided to make all of my past, favorite blogs into a book that you, my most dedicated reader, could buy. And it took me a little while to read through all of my past stuff. Ok, a long while.

That process began a couple months ago, and is now concluded with the publication of my first compilation, entitled 'Almost Genious.'

Here's the link to buy on Blurb.com. It's 135 pages and includes my takes on 'One-Uppers', 'Loud People', and how 'Life is Super Mario Bros.'

I've also included the first children's book I've written, sans pictures, entitled 'Good, You Should.'

Pick it up now for $12.95. I think the Justins are going to be making an informercial on it soon, so there you go.

I told you I'm a prodder. So I'm prodding you to buy my book. Least I'm not shoving.

Almost Genious by Justin Claus Harder | Make Your Own Book

Deadpool sketches

2011-05-24T09:25:00.001-07:00

Here are a couple sketches of 'Deadpool', an anti-superhero in the Marvel Universe. Haven't sketched much lately, so doing these was pretty refreshing.
(the red on his suit really looks like garbage on the low-compression smaller image. If you click on the pic, it will open larger in another window, and the red will look how it's supposed to.)

When Push comes to Shove

2011-05-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when Push comes to Shove.

'Hey, Shove. What's new?' said Push.

'Oh, you know, the usual. Just doin' a lot of shovin',' Shove said back.

'Well, it's what you do best,' says Push.

'Yea I know, and one day, you'll do it as good as I do.'

'I look forward to that day, Shove, I really do.'

That's what happens when Push comes to Shove.

Hello people out there. How many times has Push come to Shove in your life? My guess is, quite a few times. Standing in lines, waiting in traffic, crowds at bookstores, morning coffee at Starbucks, conference calls, meetings at work.

There are certain individuals on this planet that get off on being Pushers and Shovers. By nature, these folks push everything onto you. They push their ideas, they push their lifestyle, they push themselves.

Pushing the product. And in the city of my current residence, LA, 'Pushing' is the main export.

It's like McDonald's. Bland, overproduced, unhealthy, everywhere.

I've never been and will never be a pusher. This might be both a good and bad thing, because depending on who you ask, there are certain areas in life when you need to be a pusher in order to reach goals. People set goals for themselves, and in order to attain some of them, you might need to do some pushing.

But knowing when those times are means everything.

Most pushers and shovers have no clue. They push all the time, in every aspect of their lives. Constantly pushing, which eventually comes to shoving. And getting shoved is the worst. I'll never push. I'll never shove.
You have my word, dedicated reader of my blog.

Now, let's take a quick break and have you check out my new short film, 'Hangin' with Justins: New Old Apartment.'

Goto www.juiceharder.com to watch.

Oh come on, that was a 'prod.'
I'm a prodder.

Fun in a Tight Suit

2011-05-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

Got asked to act in a mocap suit the other day. I said sure. Here are pics.
I got to sing, yell, say dirty words, and get my head slammed into a cushion a few times.
Looking forward to seeing the final product.

Stop Doing That

2011-05-18T23:10:00.000-07:00

Is any False Alarm really ever false? I mean, it was still brought to your attention, so that makes it a real alarm. It was just a crappy alarm. For instance, 'Wait, what? My house is on fire? Oh, wrong house. Ok. Crappy alarm.'

On a recent airplane ride I sat in the row in front of the toilets. Why isn't this seat cheaper? Gotta pay for more leg room, why not pay less for more in-flight doodoo stench?

I always enjoy laughing at another's expense. It's one of the best ways to laugh. It's not costing you a thing, you're laughing at their misfortune, and you're going to get a fro-yo later, life is neat.

Sometimes when the weather is extremely irritating, too hot, too cold, too rainy, too sleety, we find ourselves unable to talk about anything else but that. And that's always pissed me the hell off. Yes, I know the weather is extreme, can we please just get back to talking about the new intern's backside? I mean, we're at work, fer cryssakes, get with it.

My favorite color is blue, but only because of the way it lulls my eyes to sleep. Listening to idiots talk politics does the same, but there's no way that'll ever be my favorite.

Went to a new restaurant the other night. I needed a Diet Peps, immediately, right away, so I barked this to the waitress and she gave me the 'don't be that guy' eyes. So I returned her eyes with the 'yes, I'm that guy, are you free Monday' eyes. She returned my eyes with 'I am free Monday, but Sunday I work late so can we make it Tuesday?' eyes. I threw down my napkin in a tiff and stormed out of the restaurant. Whatta bitch.

These little green cars, the ones with the great gas mileage, they really piss me off. Ya know why? Cause their names are always so much cooler than the cars I drive. I drove an Expedition. Yawn. These things are called the Hybrid. Fusion. Sounds so exotic and interracial.

If at first you don't succeed, try try again. And if you fail that last time you need to go sit your ass on the bench cause you just struck out.

BOUT TIME

2011-05-16T23:50:00.000-07:00

Changed my art site from juiceharder.com to clausstudios.com
CLAUS is the new studio name, so the URL needs to reflect that, I've been told.
It can no longer sound like a roid distribution center or smutty spank bank site.

But that doesn't mean I got rid of juiceharder.com!
Juiceharder.com is now where I will put all of the films, Hangin' with Justins, and the like.
It just felt right.

ROME

2011-05-15T22:27:00.001-07:00

A couple of months ago, which was a couple months after moving to LA, I had the extreme pleasure/good fortune to work on a top secret project at Mirada/Motion Theory called ROME.

This was to be directed by Chris Milk, whom is responsible for countless music videos, but most recently, the Arcade Fire's 'The Wilderness Downtown' online event where the user enters the address of the home they grew up in and the experience builds around some Google Maps trickery.

So, ROME, featuring Jack White & Norah Jones, came out this week. It's neither a music video nor a game, but an interactive experience using Google Canary, and is entitled a 'Google Experiment.'

I worked on the concept phase, drawing the animal 'soup' in the city and in the country side. How they would look when the users dragged them by means of cursor across the screen. How they would grow on buildings and evolve from one animal to another.

Simply put, this was one of the coolest projects ever I've worked on.

Mirada has posted this 'Case Study' link on their site.

Here are a couple images I made for this experience.

This is the most refined of the 'soup' pieces I drew. There were a couple before this one that were more abstract, less grounded in physical space. Ram Bhat (Creative Director) wanted this one to feel larger and busier, to have animals morphing into other animals, to really show the complexity of the 'soup.'

This one was executed after receiving a BG render for the city from North Kingdom. Ram wanted me to visualize the 'soup' flowing through the cityscape. We were also experimenting with a 'toon-shaded' look, which I kinda faked by adding a stroke around the animals and crazy shrubbery.

A simple, graphic BG concept drawing.

PRESS so far:
http://1001tales.posterous.com/super-cool-post-gorgeous-visuals-from-mirada
http://www.ventilate.ca/features/2011/chrome_experiment/this_is_a_chrome_experiment.html

it's you.

2011-05-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

A few images I found online that struck a chord.

Some of these were found on a blog I went to recently, and I ended up staying on said blog, perusing the goods, for darn near an hour. Very inspired.

Lonely Island and Michael Bolton

2011-05-08T13:06:00.001-07:00

I'm sure I'm late seeing this, but here's the Lonely Island dudes and Michael Bolton making funny stuff together.

Two Treats

2011-05-06T11:09:00.001-07:00

I've been listening to these songs on repeat for the past week. I am compelled to tell you for no other reason than that nobody is answering my texts right now. (Facebook viewers: there are 3 embedded youtube videos below, if you can't see them and want to, click on 'view original post' at bottom.)

Old Crow Medicine Show-Wagon Wheel. Heard these guys do this live at the Railroad Revival Tour and upon hearing for the first time, I was singing along after the first chorus. Yes it's a simple tune, but most times the simplest tunes are the most memorable and the ones that resonate.

Them-Gloria (Live version). Written by Van Morrison when he was 20 (wow), this song still goes down, for me, as one of the most kickass anthems in the history of rock. I will be using this song in my first feature film, not a doubt in my mind.

Hangin' with Justins: New Old Apartment

2011-05-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

After 3 months of living in an RV on the coast, the Justins find an apartment in Santa Monica, much to the dismay of Glasses.

Filmed and edited this one during a day off from drawing last week. I've got a few more Justins in the pipe right now, including a mock 'informercial' for the book of blogs I've published through Blurb (we're talking Slap-chop meets the Juicer meets these guys), and a 'pre-going-out-on-the-town' short where Flattie educates Glasses in the art of picking-up chicks, dancing and overall kanoodling.

Thanks for watching if you watched.

(as usual, if you are reading this post on Facebook, there is supposed to be a YouTube clip embedded above. If there is not, visit www.youtube.com/justinharder to see the video I was typing about.)

Recent Happenings

2011-05-03T22:01:00.001-07:00

Caught some of the new show called 'The Voice' tonight. It's a game show hosted by TRL Jenkins Daly where the judges listen to the singing contestants while their backs are turned. Not the contestant's backs. The judge's backs.

But that would make for even an better show, maybe. Let's just look at these contestants butts the whole time. No. Stop it. Show some (cl)ass.

So the audience gets to see the contestants, we the viewer get to see the contestants, and the judges don't. Until they turn around once the song is over or they want to just see the person, curious and what not. Add them to their team, their cyber battle team when they all don leotards and slap fight in a pool filled with our collective tears.

But I've stayed tuned in for one reason and one reason alone.

American Idol wasn't on.

Kidding. Real World Las Vegas wasn't on. Kidding. Jersey Shore wasn't on. Kidding. Housewives wasn't on. Kardashians wasn't on. Kidding. Kidding. Stop. Everything is on all the time. Round the clock. Always on, never stop, sell, promote, advertise, money, money, spend it, make it, lose it, gamble it, snort it, blow it.

Oh and I realized I'm not the best with names, never have been. Are you? Who prides themselves on remembering names? Salesmen. I'm not a salesman, but living in LA recently, I've kinda started to become one. And I'll sellout quick, cause I'm not sure how much of me I've got in the back. Suppose ya could always order more online.

But it's not that I don't care about remembering names. Of course I do. We all do. It's just that names have gotten out of control. Peculiar names.

I met a 'Sh'daisey' the other day. Ah Wha-huh? Granted, I was at the strippy.

Gah, why did this writing have to go there. I was just there the other night, we don't need to go there now.

Also, let's mention the Osama bin Laden killing. He got shot in the eye by a Navy Seal. Gotta admit, our Navy Seals know how to shoot guys in the face. It's not like he got hit in the shoulder, shin, waist. It's not like he felt any pain.

And I kinda wish he woulda. Make him hurt a little bit. Make him feel like those poor people in the World Trade Centers felt when they had to either stay in the burning building and die or jump out the window and die. That's a sickening choice.

So, our SEALS stormed his deerstand. And apparently his brother or son used his own wife as a human shield against our stud Seals that will shoot you right in the face with a machine gun. Imagine if that couple would have lived, though. Imagine that dinner conversation the next night.

Here's a little snippet from this imaginary conversation: (Husband sits across from wife, feebly poking his mashed potatoes around in ashamed circles. Wife staring a hole through her husband's head as he fidgetedly fidgets under her gaze. Husband finally looks up.)

Husband-So how was your day, honey?

Wife-You used me as a human shield against men with lasers on their machine guns, how do you think it was?

Husband-Well, baby, it's not like they shot us...sooo, it kinda worked.

Wife-You're dead to me.

I mean, of all the ways to go down. Imagine that on your tombstone!

'Here lies Billy the Terrorist. Used his wife as a shield against bullets. Guess that means he was a bit of a bitch. I'd etch the dates of his life, but who cares when he was born. Just know that he died with no dignity. I've already etched too much shit on his tombst---'

Then the tombstone carver went to go get a sandwhich and he never bothered to finish the carving of said tombstone.

Man, I really went into a little bit of a rant there. Guess the news of that man's actions struck a chord with me. Your chord ever been struck? Excuse me.

Oh, my chord got struck again the other day and this time it was by a grocery store. It really worked me up. Ya know why? The aisles were too thin. What grocery stores have thin aisles? I've never had to literally let someone come OUT of the aisle before I could enter it. Think about it. Have you ever had to look down the entire aisle and see that the coast is clear before you progress?

Huh? Just widen the lanes. Remove the freaking chip aisle, cause nobody eats those in LA, and then add that space to each lane. Scootch 'em. Do a scootcheroo.

Got nothing else right now.

Old photos

2011-05-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

I'm editing my little bro and his fiance's rehearsal dinner video together right now, which means I'm looking at a lot of old photos. I'm taking great pride in this duty, and I can guarentee this video's going to get the waterworks going.

I am convinced that old photos need to be stored in fireproof boxes. These pictures are priceless. I've been crying my eyes out all morning. I thought I'd share a few that mean absolutely nothing to you, but the world to me. Funny the way that works.

This last one is one of my favs. I wonder where that person is nowadays from the background.

Hangin' with Justins: For Jerry

2011-04-25T13:03:00.001-07:00

Coach Headslap

2011-04-21T23:30:00.001-07:00

Packed up. Moved out. Moved in. Unpacked.
Moving is a liberating experience. Once it's over. During the move, it's hellish. Before the move, it's unbearable. The setting up. The planning. But after the move. It's heaven.

How many things in your life can this be said for? Dreading the during, relieved when done.

I remember hating every single second of varsity football practice my senior year in high school. I get asked a lot nowadays if I played football. I tell them kinda, but I mainly drew. This confounds them. Then I tell them I was pretty small when I was younger. Late bloomer. I went from 5'7" freshman year to 6'4" sophomore year. So at end of junior year, I wanted to play some good ol' fashion Texas football.

At any rate, I would put my helmet on as I jogged out to the practice field and just wish there was a remote control for fast forwarding life. What the hell did I get myself into, I'd think.

It was 105 degrees out in August. Here's an idea-everyone put MORE clothes on, pads, helmets, and run around for 3 hours at full speed. Oh, and don't just stop running. No, no. The way you stop running is by colliding with another person. Over and over. In the direct sun. In summer. In Texas. That's a reasonable idea.
Let's sign up for that. On paper, it's quite possibly the dumbest 'sport' next to rugbee or luge.

Who hasn't wanted to just get something 'over with'.
'Just get it over with', we say.

But for some silly reason, after that event has taken it's toll, transpired, sometimes we look back at it fondly. Huh? How? I hated football practice. Hated.

Coaches yelling. Slapping your helmeted head with their pee wee league championship ring encrusted hands. Hard, too. I'd feel that hand slap to the head all the way down in my little juicekings. It was that monumental of a whack.

'Harder! Good job, son!'
Smack.
I'd actually dodge the Coach if I saw that hand raising in my direction.
Say I just made a lucky tackle, I'd head for the sidelines, happy, and then the Coach immediately approaches, and I'd dive under the bleachers.

Luckily, I only got that slap a few times, as I didn't do much on the football field worthy of a congratulatory helmet whacking.
I got the hand in the face mask move a lot, though.

Coach: 'Harder! I said B gap, not D gap!'
Me: 'B or D?'
Coach: 'Shit yea, Harder! B!'
Me: 'You've got a lot of chaw in your mouth, I can't understand you.'
Coach: 'Ya understand this?'

SMACK. Then a facemask grab and a shake.
Then another SMACK.

I realize now that I was getting my ass kicked by a little man upset with how his life was turning out.

Nowadays, I'd grab that coach by the whistle, twist it around his dumb fat neck, and head butt his face like a tetherball till he shat himself or his head exploded, whichever came first.

So, all you coaches out there: You've got a responsibility. You will leave a lasting mark on the kids you coach. Please don't take that lightly.
Have fun. Be the cool coach. Be the fun coach. Be the coach we all talk about years later for
being the best coach we've ever had.
Don't be the slappy coach. Or the handsy coach.

And for God's sake, take the
chaw out, or else we'll be hitting the D gap and not the B gap all game.

Oh, and I guess I was getting at the fact that if I could do it over again, I'd still play football senior year.
Man, if circa 1998 Justin could read this, he'd smack me in the head for saying such a thing.

Or on the butt.
That's completely straight if done on the football field.
50 yards up the bleachers it's a different story.

ByeBye Bu

2011-04-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

I will miss you and never forget you. I simply moved into Santa Monica. Into an apartment. So stay tuned for new short films from it.

And I filmed a short on my last day there...here is a still from it.
I'll post it shortly, once I iron all the kinks out. Which is one of my least favorite sayings. Even if I was referencing a short, the saying 'Ironed Out' should never be said.

Shorts. Ironed. Who irons shorts anyway. Guys with pleats. And those are the guys I call 'Filbert.'

OH, and got the first copy of my blog compilation book back form Blurb. Can't wait to share it with you guys...you'll be able to buy your very own. Even though you can read all of the material for FREE on this here blog, I've put it onto parchment and will be selling it.
There's something to be said for a physical item to read. Not this Kindle spell. But an item with bound pages that you can flip through on a nice day.
So, if you agree with me, then this is the item for you.
More details to come.

What are you doing in the backyard...naked?

2011-04-11T23:33:00.001-07:00

In honor of the Dallas International Film Fest 2011 that just finished, I'd like to re-post our commercials and intro pieces we shot for last year's event.
Yashar Kassai, the man whom, apparently, lives with my character in theses spots, is an artist/actor whose talents are only matched by his grappling technique.

Chad Madden crushed these succulent gems into bite-size, 15 second doosies.

Kevin Althans manhandled this delicious morsel that went in the front of each and every showing.

(Facebook viewers: there are two Vimeo clips embedded above that I'm sure are nonexistent on this post, for whatever reason, Zuckerburger can't figure this one out)

Farley

2011-04-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

Hot Wheels Art

2011-04-04T19:29:00.001-07:00

Did a few designs for Hot Wheels while freelancing for Brand New School in Santa Monica.
Check out the designs here!

The brief was to do a countdown for a new Hot Wheels car. Hot Wheels asked that we age up their brand. This isn't the old, safe, Hot Wheels. This is new. Tough. Extreme. So, I punched myself in the neck, gave myself an indian burn on my wrist, and walked barefooted over broken hearts and came up with some art.

Three of those styles were chosen by the client to pursue for the final. I believe they went with the first one there, with the flames behind the 3.

Hangin' with Justins: In Training, Part One

2011-04-01T08:54:00.001-07:00

Happy Friday. Here's a short.
Picking up where they left off, Glasses decides to train Flattie in the art of acting.
Part One of Two.

I've been meaning to make a 'training' style-Rocky-esque montage sequence for Glasses Justin training Flattie Justin in acting. I thought it would not only poke fun at the genre, which people really take seriously (the serious, dramatic, actors, anyway...giving out large golden statues to dramatic actors, never to actors in a comedy) but it'd be fun to put some music into it and do some quick cutting, some big gags.

This is the setup to that short...I decided to shoot and edit all in one day, less than 24 hours. Probably more towards 9 hours in all. I wrote it all out a month or two ago, but work and the new city got in the way of me actually executing it until now.

But I took the week off from design/art to get some personal stuff done, and this was one of the the things I did on one of the days. Another thing was finding an apartment in Santa Monica, which I did, so mission accomplished.

The first part of the short, outside the RV, was scripted, and I followed it pretty much to the tee. The inside part was scripted also, but I didn't feel like using the script for some reason. The funnest(not a word) part of this stuff, besides the 'acting/adlibbing' is the editing, and I love editing together takes that didn't necessarily go with one another, but fit with each other through the ol' 'happy accident' method. I love happy accidents.

I wanted to get the guys out of the RV, outside for once. Basically, if I do something new each time with them, and this is the 10th (WHOA) I've made since Sept., I'll be happy. I do not want to repeat material. I'd like to think the story and characters are developing and hopefully somewhat entertaining.

So, there it is and it is there.

Starbucks Designs

2011-03-25T17:22:00.000-07:00

Check out some new designs I did over at Mirada Motion Theory for a recent Starbucks spot.

Hope everyone got their free treat from them.

CLICK HERE TO SEE

Shirt Designs

2011-03-25T11:52:00.001-07:00

More self promotion! Yippee. Huzzah. Shut up. These are from the 'Hangin' with Justins' videos...The flattie/glasses design or my personal mantra, STAY PETER.

Oh and I know you've seen this one a hundred times, but what's one more-

MOVE, beotch, GET OUT THE WAY

2011-03-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

Are you a 'sidestepper'?

Ever feel like you're always the one to get out of the way when another person is headed towards you? In the mall? In the office? Are you courteous? Are you the person to always let the other person have the right of way?

If you are, you're not alone. I am too. I always play 'nice guy' and swivel my shoulders and sidestep to let little Napoleans by. Happened in the gym this morning, in fact, and is what spurred this blog.

He was walking towards me, like, directly AT me, I knew he wasn't going to sidestep or veer away, so I knew I had to. He didn't say 'excuse me', he didn't acknowledge that a larger obstruction was headed towards him. And once I veered off course, there was no response to that, either. Nothing. YOU'RE walking AT me, you deserve to have the right away. You weigh in at 135 sopping wet, tiny child-man, go ahead, let me haul my 230 out of your way. Wouldn't want to put you out. Please. No. I insist. By all means.

If there's a cordial exchange, a smirk and a nod, an 'excuuse me', then that's fine. That's how human beings should interact with one another. We're all in this together until we're not. Get a chuckle out of it. Hell, if it's an attractive member of the opposite sex comin' at you, do the ol' 'going the same way' gag where ya giggle and kinda walk in the same direction a few times. She goes right, you go left. Whoops. Tee-hee. You go right, she goes left. Oopsies. Can I get your number? We've got so much in common, we both can't manage to walk around each other. Let's do the sex.

But those folks who act like we 'sidesteppers' owe it to them to get out of their tiny unimportant way? Those are the cretins I'm speaking to.

I'm here today to say that us 'sidesteppers' have had ENOUGH. From here on out, if you see me coming at you from a ways away, and you're not going to veer, you're not going to be courteous, know that you've got exactly 2 ticks before you're on your ass.

Cause I'm not moving anymore. I'm over it. Let's bump shoulders, seriously. I'll check your scrawny ass through three walls. Think these hands have been soaking in ivory soap for the last 30 years? They haven't been. I use Irish Spring.
You wanna tap the glass? You're not going to like the results, my friend.

I will roll through you like shit through a goose. (thank you, Patton)

You will learn to get out of larger people's way. Lord knows I already do. I see a dude or girl larger than myself coming at me, I am happy to sidestep. Take the road, you've got a lot to move and I respect that. Don't Zangief style bearhug me into a pile of Juiceking pebbles.

So, sidsteppers unite! (Cue Rocky theme song)
Stand up for yourself.
It's your path as much as it is anyone else's. Take it.
Stand firm.
This is a call to arms.

LET THIS DAY MARK THE START OF A NEW ERA.

(An era of people just walking straight into one another. This is going to be a fun era)

Life is Super Mario Bros.

2011-03-13T20:28:00.000-07:00

I got to thinking about 'LIFE' today. Ya know, 'LIFE' as we know it. What we all do, day in and day out. Our journeys. Struggles. Victories. Joys. Failures. Loves. Our lives.

And it all finally clicked. Life and the famous 1985 Nintendo game 'Super Mario Bros.' are one and the same. The similarities are shocking. I'll explain.

To begin the Super Mario Bros. game, you're asked to choose either 'One Player' or 'Two Player.' Interesting. I've played quite a few times with a second player, but as of right now, I'm on single player mode. Life is about choices, and Mario presents you with a rather important one right there at the beginning. Who'd have thought that 25 years later some punk named Zuckerburg can make 'relationship status' on his little website thingie and be called a genius. Mario was the fuckin' genius. He asked us first.

--The Original Relationship Status--Shirt designs on the way.

So, ya pick one or two peeps and then you're on your tiny little way. I say tiny because you start off miniature in Mario Bros. Almost as if child from womb.

But watch out! Right off the bat, there's a baddie coming at you, a Goomba. Goombas are hurdles in your life. Not major hurdles, mind you, but slight unimportant snags. You can either choose to ignore the Goomba by jumping over it, or you can squash the shit out of them by stomping on their dumb face/bodies. But even if you squash that problem right then, there will be a hundred more later on, so be prepared. I like to ignore the small ones, hurdle them, just get by them, and save up my energy for the big ones later on.

Then you keep on chugging along and you come to a block with a question mark on it. Of course you have to smash it with your face. No option. Whenever there's a question in life, we need an answer. People's thirst for knowledge is only trumped by our thirst for reality TV. Sad fact, peeps.

Ok, you smash the question block and out pops a mushroom that glides along the ground. That's normal. You have to eat this before it slides off the screen or into a hole. Of course. Well, ya know what happens when ya eat it? You get larger. This mushroom is a compliment from a pretty girl or boy, co-worker or relative, stranger or neighbor. That mushroom was bait, tempting you to accept it, take it, and you did, and therefore you got a big head. Shame on you. Never take anything personally, the good or the bad.

So after a few Goomba avoidances and a couple mushrooms to the mouth, you start feelin invincible, don't you? Star power. Huzzah, run around and do whatever you want! You're a star, flash your stuff, demand a decaf frap! You're untouchable, above the law. But beware. It'll wear off sooner than you think, so don't burn through too many bridges, you pompous Italian plumber.

And then there's the constant desire to beat levels. Complete the stage. Progress. Always progress. Ever since we were kids, we've been taught to constantly level-up and progress in life. Mario and Luigi started this. You can't just hang out underneath the question mark block and have an 8-bit smoothie, can you? No. You're on a mission. Always something to do, some hurdle to jump. Hurry, hurry, hurry, don't you dare make the Princess wait. Hmmm. Reminds me of dates I've been on. Coincidence? Pfff. There are no coincidences.

Do you have an angry beotch of a boss? That's Bowser. He's even called a 'Boss' fer cryssakes! It's not like Bowser's called a 'Chief,' or a 'Manager'. He's called a 'Boss.' The inventor of Mario, Mr. Shigeru Miyamoto, doesn't even bother trying to cover up this correlation. But don't worry, Bowser bosses only attack in formulated, repetitive patterns. Watch them. Study them. And when their soft, fat underbelly is exposed, you must destroy them. It might take a few attempts, but stay the course. Works for Mario, it will work for you.

Clearly those green tubes and the underground area they bring you to is 'depression.' Happy music from the normal world changes to a sinister sounding haunted riff, the colors of the walls and floor change to a cool blue. You don't HAVE to go down the green tube, but sometimes it's necessary to make the above ground fun stuff that much more enjoyable. The 'good' becomes 'great' when you've experienced the 'awful.' And listening to that six note riff down in the underground world is exactly that.

I'm telling you truths here, people. There's even an angry ball on a chain in Mario Bros. that constantly tries to knock you down to size. What could that be? I've never figured that one out. Nudge, wink, nudge.

I could go on all day but I've got my game on pause and I don't want it to burn itself into my TV.

And henceforth from this day on, I'd like to officially petition to change 'Super Mario Bros.' name to 'LIFE.'

Oh yea, and let's change that crummy board game 'LIFE's' name to 'NOT A FUN GAME' cause who really wants to inch along a tiny plastic car full of pegs on a poorly illustrated piece of foldout cardboard. I don't want to talk about mortgages in reality, why would I want to in a board game. Hell, why would I wanna play a board game.

I'd rather go complete a stage. At least I'd be progressing.

Tom Chambers Dunk

2011-03-11T10:30:00.001-08:00

This dunk will make you call home to Mama to make sure the Kool-Aid's still on the counter.

Believe it, Sunshine.

2011-03-08T19:18:00.000-08:00

Walking on Water viral Video--- This is amazing.

And now I'm Debbie Downer and here's the behind the scenes on how they made it. FANTASTIC STUFF.

New Neighbors

2011-03-02T22:40:00.000-08:00

Louis and Jamie welcome themselves to the neighborhood, much to the delight of Jessica and the disdain of Brent.

This is the second short by Lucas, Adam, and I. We needed a wife in this one, so Mattie, Lucas's girlfriend, got the start.
Should have a website up soon for these two shorts, and plan on making a lot more whether you like it or not, big boy.

Labels

2011-03-01T22:49:00.000-08:00

People go through phases. And women, in particular, really go through phases. First they want the bad guy. Then they have one too many bad guys, heart shatters, and then they want the nice guy. Then they have the nice guy, fall asleep mid-way through their first date at TGIFriday's, and they want the bad guy again.

It's a cycle. A cycle of confusion for women, and us men, too. And it all stems from labels. Think about it. We label everything in our lives. Nice guy. Bad guy. Hot chick. Smart Ass. Dumb Ass.

Is the 'nice guy' really a 'nice guy?' Why don't you call him what you really want to call him. 'Un-sexy boring guy that will buy me stuff.'

Why beat around the bush? And the 'bad guy?' He's 'hot dumb guy that has no career but he wears Axe and once even asked me nicely for a blowie.'
That's what these terms really mean, people.

Labels. They're all around us. Make sure to sift through the ones that mean something and the ones that don't.

Like, whose kids are those? Those are YOUR kids. Pfff. More labels. You're so selfish. Let me have one.

Rocketman Mini Spot

2011-02-25T11:48:00.000-08:00

Mini - Rocketman Concept from PostPanic on Vimeo.

so cool

Last Night's Rapping Sacker

2011-02-23T11:08:00.001-08:00

Sacker-One bags or two? (I only had a few items)

Me-Well, let's see what happens when you pack it up.

Sacker- Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin...

Me- I came to win, battle me, that's a sin.

Just bought 'Jump Around' cause of that exchange.

Winter Winds

2011-02-20T15:12:00.000-08:00

Have had this song on repeat for a little over two and a half days now. Not healthy.

CLAUS

2011-02-19T22:49:00.001-08:00

Mirada

2011-02-17T08:10:00.000-08:00

Excited to be going into Mirada for the next 2 weeks. They're a brand new division of Motion Theory started by Guillermo del Toro.
I have no clue what I'll be working on yet. Oh, and I can't wait to post the work I did over at Brand New School soon! Posting so many videos lately, it will be a welcome changeup to show some stinkin' art around here for once.

Driver's Ed

2011-02-14T23:47:00.000-08:00

I've been filming a lot with the other Justin recently, so it was good to get out of the RV a bit and film with another person.
Here is the result of said filming.

Lou is the other actor, and he resides in LA, as well. We intend to make more of these shorts, not about Driver's Ed, mind you, but improv shorts that make no sense, have shoddy audio, but hopefully make you smile.

Hangin' with Justins: Stay Peter

2011-02-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

Had down time between freelance gigs, so I made another Justins. Here it is:

When Glasses has a bad day at the studio and takes it out on Flattie, he doesn't realize just how much damage his acid tongue is doing until it's too late

(I posted this to FB earlier today, so FB viewers 'sorry' for the double dose. Not really sorry, actually. I read enough of ya'lls doo-doo everyday, so ya can excuse my double doo-doo dose on this fine Wednesday.)

Not Starring 'Common Sense'

2011-01-30T20:32:00.000-08:00

In movies, when there's an injured dude on the ground reaching for a gun mere inches from his outstretched, bloody fingers and then another dude comes up and skootches the gun a couple lousy centimeters away with his boot, I mean, I've got a problem with that scenario.

He needs to really kick that thing, right? Kick the damn gun across the room. It's the difference between getting shot in the back or leaving with the prize and ending the movie on a happy note.

Kick the gun FAR AWAY. Or, hell, howsabout ya pick up the injured dude's gun. Take it with you. That way, he can't suddenly get up from the bullet shot to the face he suffered mere seconds earlier, grab the gun you skooched a lousy centimeter away, and pop your dumbass 18 times in the back and ass when the pistol only holds 2 bullets. Pick up the guy's gun. That ever cross anyone's mind? Course not. That would be common sense, and 80% of movies would be 3 minutes long if common sense existed inside of their wonderfully ridiculous worlds.

Take 'Terminator 2'. A true classic, right? Of course, no arguments there. But think about it. 'Oh, crazy liquid-metal mean guy that kills dogs and humans alike by turning into the Silver Surfer and stabbing them through their eyes and faces, hello, you want to kill this little punk with the shitty attitude and dumb haircut? Go ahead. We want to also. Let Arnold tell him 'Hasta la Vista, baby' and we'll call it a wrap.'

Or howsabout the comedy 'Old School.' If common sense existed in that movie (and thank God it didn't, or else we'd have been deprived some of the more brilliant comedic moments in cinema history) it would have ended when the naked people jumped out of Mitch's girlfriends closet right there in the beginning. The movie was based around that sole event happening, triggering a negative response in Mitch, making him realize his girlfriend was indeed a skank, him moving out, moving into a house which later turned into the fellas' frat house thanks to a slender Vincent 'Earmuff it' Vaughan. That event was the trigger action for the entire flick.

But what does common sense tells us if that situation happens to us in real life? Blind-folded, naked people popping out of your girlfriend Juliette Lewis's closet? Answer: GO WITH IT! Duh, your girlfriend is already Juliette Lewis, who is a real skanker ho-bag who apparently smokes in the damn kitchen, ya may as well have some fun with her and a couple nudes that popped outta her closet! That's just common sense! Live a little! Don't get all poo-pooey and whine and say 'woe is me.' You're already at rock bottom living with a smoking in the kitchen Juliette Lewis. This could be the high point of the relationship, these two nudes popping out of the closet with blindfolds on.

But in order to have 'Frank the Tank' later shoot himself in the neck with the tranq gun, which the entire movie was clearly written for, they needed to have Mitch feign anger at Juliette Lewis being herself. A bonafide floosey bagoosey. I'm sure that same sitch* happens to her in real life all the time and I'm sure her boyfriends all love her for it.

Ya get my point. Movies are movies. It's an escape. They're meant to be outlandish and silly, make us laugh, cry, feel. Just entertain us, baby. It's a movie, it's not real. And common sense, for the most part, is anything but entertaining. It's sometimes downright boring and borderline monotonous. Oh, I need milk for the cereal in the morning? Let me go out and get that right away, post haste. Snooze fest. Look both ways before I cross the street? Yawn. Don't play with fire while not running by the pool and not talking to strangers? Wake me up, before ya go-go.

I'd rather see ol' Frank the Tank go streaking through the Quad and into the Gymnasium, personally. Let's see Arnold zoom through a canal on a Fatboy, shooting fences with a shotgun, walking into bars with the song 'Bad to the Bone' playing on the juke.

And after a good night out of tomfoolery and shenannigans, the same thing will always cross my mind. Never fail. From here till eternity.

Honey, you think KFC's still open?

--And just for fun, here are some other flicks that woulda been pretty short had 'Common Sense' had a starring role.

ET- Just turn him in already, that light on his finger is getting super annoying.

Field of Dreams- Ignore the voices. It's easy, I do.

Rambo- To all the Viatnamese soldiers: just shoot each other with arrows and save Rambo the trip.

The Lion King- Keep singing Elton John with the farting warthog and the skinny rat. Forget that Scar dude, he's got issues.

Home Alone- Good riddance, leave the kid, he'll be making enough residuals from this flick to live off for the rest of his life, he'll be fine.

*sitch = situation. And not the Jersey Shore kind.