We've all seen the hit show on ABC/CBS/NBC called 'How to Catch a Predator.' It's a sickening romp into suburban America, is it not? Here's something: if Chris Hansen ever pops out of your bathroom wearing a suit and holding a mic, you're done. Don't run. Don't hide your face. It's over. Take the few remaining minutes you have and say bye to your old life. Your old life of stalking children and being a vile human being.
But this show is so much fun to watch that I wanna branch off with a new concept. And it'd be perfect for the city I live in, which is Dallas, TX.
The name of the show will be 'How to Catch a D-Bag.' Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. As you probably guessed, this show is aimed at helping ladies tell early on if their date is a D-Bag.
Scenario 01: Guy and girl. First Date on a patio. The misters are blowing. The sparks are flying. Check comes. Guy takes a peek. He looks up. Cutesy smiles. Girl smiles back and holds his gaze. New love flutters. Guy reaches into his back pocket. Smile turns to confusion. Eyebrows furrow. Hand frantically juts to his front pocket. He looks at the girl. Girl is confused now, too.
Guy says 'Geez. I musta forgotten my wallet in the C-Series. Can you get this one?'
At this exact moment, Chris Hansen emerges from underneath the table, mic in hand. The camera-crew jumps down from a nearby tree.
'Sir, please stand up.'
The guy nervously shifts in his chair. Eyes dart. Pregnant beads of sweat on forehead.
'Sir,' reminds Hansen.
The guy gets up and Hansen's hand bolts to the guy's back pocket and whips out a wallet.
'I believe you were looking for THIS.'
The guy looks at the wallet. Looks at the girl. The girl's eyes well up with tears and she covers her face.
'You sir, are a d-bag. The ol' 'I don't have my wallet routine' on the first date. Class-act, pal. Is there anything you'd like to say?'
The guy shakes his head. Humiliation. He then darts off and some cops tackle his ass in the street. Hansen keeps the wallet, sits down with the girl and helps himself to a bit of cheesecake.
I'm telling you, this show will be huge. Imagine the scenarios.
Guy buys an Affliction shirt. BOOM. Hansen drops from the ceiling.
Guy orders off the Fresco Menu at T-Bell. BANG. Hansen slides in the passenger side door.
Guy tells girl he's 'clean as a whistle.' WHAMM. Hansen blasts him with a fire hose.
Guy pops his collar. Hansen pops him in the face.
This might have just gotten awesome.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Another Short
This badboy's got Stretch the Brachiosaurus prepping Horns for Dance Party Domination.
Friday, June 26, 2009
WEBOSAURS Vignette 01: HORNS!
Here's the first official vignette short for Webosaurs.com! It introduces Horns, the crew's hulking, flexing, swampjuice-drinking Triceratops.
Enjoy and I'll post more as soon as we get 'em done!
Webosaurs is a Massive Multiplayer Online game aimed at kids 7-12. It's in Beta testing right now at www.beta.webosaurs.com. Sign up or have your kids sign up and play for free or become a member.
I've been working on it (off and on) for a year and half at RFX now, and have loved it every step of the way. Many talented artists, animators, designers, web-programmers and game developers have touched this project, and it's become RFX's first ever original property. We've gotten to build lovable characters and develop a story for a safe online environment for kids. And that's pretty awesome.
I wrote and directed this vignette. I also have the esteemed privilege of voicing Horns.
I heart the big guy.
Enjoy and I'll post more as soon as we get 'em done!
Webosaurs is a Massive Multiplayer Online game aimed at kids 7-12. It's in Beta testing right now at www.beta.webosaurs.com. Sign up or have your kids sign up and play for free or become a member.
I've been working on it (off and on) for a year and half at RFX now, and have loved it every step of the way. Many talented artists, animators, designers, web-programmers and game developers have touched this project, and it's become RFX's first ever original property. We've gotten to build lovable characters and develop a story for a safe online environment for kids. And that's pretty awesome.
I wrote and directed this vignette. I also have the esteemed privilege of voicing Horns.
I heart the big guy.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Copywriting
Digging through some old files at work the other day I came across some invites I designed/wrote for Reel FX's and Radium's Grand Opening Party in Santa Monica. Ya see, Reel FX recently acquired Radium (a known commercial-making powerhouse) and then opened up a sweet new studio out west to house both studio's collective talent.
I got asked to do the invite for the Grand Opening soiree and here are some of my attempts. I think they ended up going with the 'intern' one.
Before ya read this one, keep in mind that the Reel FX logo is the flame in the circle, and the Radium logo is the Ra in a box.
I got asked to do the invite for the Grand Opening soiree and here are some of my attempts. I think they ended up going with the 'intern' one.
Before ya read this one, keep in mind that the Reel FX logo is the flame in the circle, and the Radium logo is the Ra in a box.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Smile Engine Illustration
I was recently tabbed by PUSH in Orlando to do an editorial illustration. I've not done an editorial illustration in a hot minute, and wondered how well I would effectively address the concern of the client. The illustration was to have the headline of 'Generating Smiles to Power Success. Orlando is Good for Business.'
The illustration had to convey that Orlando's economy basically runs on smiles. Which makes sense, with Disney there, and all the other outdoor fun that can be had there. I know every time I've been there I've smiled. Usually it's been at some idiots that cut me off, but that happens in every city. I think it's cause I don't use blinkers and drive a good ten miles under the limit. I like to soak things in.
Anywho-the client liked the idea of an 'engine' of sorts that produced or ran on smiles. I was to provide some sketches first, and if they liked anything, they would commission the rest of the project. Here's my first round of sketches. I tried to keep em rough and 'sketchy', but wanted to give em a little bit more than just pencil doodles.
After seeing these, the client wanted a bit more to go off of before they picked one for the execution of the final. The client seemed to like the idea of the smile in the lighbulb, which I thought made sense. That being said, I pushed the sketches further, bringing them to about 50% done. Here those ones are.
The client liked the one on the far left, so I brought it into Illustrator and started vectoring my little ass off. The main comment to keep in mind was to make the 'engine/generator/ligh bulb thingie' futuristic, as opposed to the old-timey feel of the first two sketches.
Here's the final. The client liked it and I think it came out alright, but still want to add more little details and cool conveyor belts and smoke stacks on the engine.
(The negative space at the top of the illustration is to be where the TYPE will live. TYPE needs space. And I like to give TYPE enough space to live, so there ya go.
The illustration had to convey that Orlando's economy basically runs on smiles. Which makes sense, with Disney there, and all the other outdoor fun that can be had there. I know every time I've been there I've smiled. Usually it's been at some idiots that cut me off, but that happens in every city. I think it's cause I don't use blinkers and drive a good ten miles under the limit. I like to soak things in.
Anywho-the client liked the idea of an 'engine' of sorts that produced or ran on smiles. I was to provide some sketches first, and if they liked anything, they would commission the rest of the project. Here's my first round of sketches. I tried to keep em rough and 'sketchy', but wanted to give em a little bit more than just pencil doodles.
After seeing these, the client wanted a bit more to go off of before they picked one for the execution of the final. The client seemed to like the idea of the smile in the lighbulb, which I thought made sense. That being said, I pushed the sketches further, bringing them to about 50% done. Here those ones are.
The client liked the one on the far left, so I brought it into Illustrator and started vectoring my little ass off. The main comment to keep in mind was to make the 'engine/generator/ligh bulb thingie' futuristic, as opposed to the old-timey feel of the first two sketches.
Here's the final. The client liked it and I think it came out alright, but still want to add more little details and cool conveyor belts and smoke stacks on the engine.
(The negative space at the top of the illustration is to be where the TYPE will live. TYPE needs space. And I like to give TYPE enough space to live, so there ya go.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Socializing in Non-Socializing Zones
I've sat down to write tonight. Some nights the thoughts come quicker than other nights. Some nights I care not to sit down atall (Atall-only said with British accent). Some nights I'd rather stand and wonder why I even goto bars. Oh right, cause that's where you meet people. Meet people. And that's where you can be social. That's one of the places that allows you to be social and meet people. It's a Socializing Zone.
What if you're social in other places? That's fine, of course. But those places are not built for the sheer act of socializing like bars are, so what you're doing in those other places is calling an 'audible.' I don't call too many audibles, I've found.
I goto a restaurant. I eat.
I goto the gym. I flex and fight.
I goto the grocery (I do things alone now most-ly). I buy Chicken Tuscan Lean Cuisines.
I goto Chuckie Cheese's. I play in the balls.
I goto the park. I prey on minors.
Just making sure you're paying attention.
I find if you try and socialize at other places outside of the bar, people get the wrong impression. All the sudden you're the creep talking to the chick while she's shopping.
It's not a bar, moron. You shop at the grocery, not talk to people. Grab your Gushers and move it along, and stop calling audibles.
But I LOVE hearing guys audible in non-socializing venues. They say the best shit. Literally. Just poop flows out of their mouths and into the ears of helpless female (and male) shoppers the world over.
'Oh, cool. You like butter, too. That's crazy, I've got some here, too. My cart won't turn. Happens every time. Yea, see ya in the next aisle.'
And that's always awkward, isn't it? Cause then both of them are very conscious that they just exchanged a brief exchange in the previous aisle, so the pressure mounts to say something in the next aisle.
'Double ply. Yea, I need the extra ply.'
How embarrassing. Why do people have to SEE what you buy? I want a cart that's metal all around. Forget this metal cage shit. I want an iron-clad-stroller-cart that I can just stuff odd shit into through tiny covered armholes that protrude from the two holes where the kid's feet are supposed to go. Nobody would ever know what the hell I had in there. I could buy fifteen gallons of milk. Ya know how weird it would be if ya saw a guy pushing a cart with fifteen milks?
What's that guy's deal? Whatta douchebag. Guy's taking all the milks. Must be some milk freak. Milk freak, aisle JACKASS 7!
Well, what if the guy just really likes milk, dammit? And now he can't buy fifteen milks because we'll judge him through his cage-cart.
Not anymore, we won't! Once he starts pushing the iron-clad-stroller-cart around, he can have a dead guy in there and the only way you'd ever know would be from the stench. And if ya shop at Wal-Mart Grocery in Uptown Dallas then you'd never know. Get it.
Where the hell was I? Oh right! Socializing in non-socializing restricted environments.
Ya know one place completely off limits for socializing, though? While ya stand next to another man in the office john and pee standing up. That's always really uncomfortable for the other guy. And I love doing it. Ya look up, breathe out real deep. Let out a 'oh yea...yea, yea, yea. There we go. It's just crazy how quick that shit went away. Doc don't know shit.' Never stop staring straight up.
It's good for an inside laugh. A laugh inside your brain. Don't let it out. Don't let them know for a second that you're laughing internally. But keep it. Bottle it up and tell your buddies later. Hopefully they'll laugh externally at it.
So, in summary, what have I covered today.
Call audibles.
Just call 'em. Talk to everyone all the time. Don't wait for the bars. Don't wait for the clubs. Don't wait for the bathrooms. Don't wait for the restaurants.
Call audibles all the time.
Cause I need more material.
What if you're social in other places? That's fine, of course. But those places are not built for the sheer act of socializing like bars are, so what you're doing in those other places is calling an 'audible.' I don't call too many audibles, I've found.
I goto a restaurant. I eat.
I goto the gym. I flex and fight.
I goto the grocery (I do things alone now most-ly). I buy Chicken Tuscan Lean Cuisines.
I goto Chuckie Cheese's. I play in the balls.
I goto the park. I prey on minors.
Just making sure you're paying attention.
I find if you try and socialize at other places outside of the bar, people get the wrong impression. All the sudden you're the creep talking to the chick while she's shopping.
It's not a bar, moron. You shop at the grocery, not talk to people. Grab your Gushers and move it along, and stop calling audibles.
But I LOVE hearing guys audible in non-socializing venues. They say the best shit. Literally. Just poop flows out of their mouths and into the ears of helpless female (and male) shoppers the world over.
'Oh, cool. You like butter, too. That's crazy, I've got some here, too. My cart won't turn. Happens every time. Yea, see ya in the next aisle.'
And that's always awkward, isn't it? Cause then both of them are very conscious that they just exchanged a brief exchange in the previous aisle, so the pressure mounts to say something in the next aisle.
'Double ply. Yea, I need the extra ply.'
How embarrassing. Why do people have to SEE what you buy? I want a cart that's metal all around. Forget this metal cage shit. I want an iron-clad-stroller-cart that I can just stuff odd shit into through tiny covered armholes that protrude from the two holes where the kid's feet are supposed to go. Nobody would ever know what the hell I had in there. I could buy fifteen gallons of milk. Ya know how weird it would be if ya saw a guy pushing a cart with fifteen milks?
What's that guy's deal? Whatta douchebag. Guy's taking all the milks. Must be some milk freak. Milk freak, aisle JACKASS 7!
Well, what if the guy just really likes milk, dammit? And now he can't buy fifteen milks because we'll judge him through his cage-cart.
Not anymore, we won't! Once he starts pushing the iron-clad-stroller-cart around, he can have a dead guy in there and the only way you'd ever know would be from the stench. And if ya shop at Wal-Mart Grocery in Uptown Dallas then you'd never know. Get it.
Where the hell was I? Oh right! Socializing in non-socializing restricted environments.
Ya know one place completely off limits for socializing, though? While ya stand next to another man in the office john and pee standing up. That's always really uncomfortable for the other guy. And I love doing it. Ya look up, breathe out real deep. Let out a 'oh yea...yea, yea, yea. There we go. It's just crazy how quick that shit went away. Doc don't know shit.' Never stop staring straight up.
It's good for an inside laugh. A laugh inside your brain. Don't let it out. Don't let them know for a second that you're laughing internally. But keep it. Bottle it up and tell your buddies later. Hopefully they'll laugh externally at it.
So, in summary, what have I covered today.
Call audibles.
Just call 'em. Talk to everyone all the time. Don't wait for the bars. Don't wait for the clubs. Don't wait for the bathrooms. Don't wait for the restaurants.
Call audibles all the time.
Cause I need more material.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
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