Do we still need to remind passengers on airplanes that there's no smoking allowed? Really? Don't ya think we've got it down by now? Just curious.
Like you're sitting next to a granny and all the sudden she grabs a cancer-stick and starts to thumb a lighter. Just then the 'No Smoking' sign blinks on above her head, she's sees it, mumbles something about 'communist pigs' and puts the ciggey back in her purse. I've never seen that happen.
We all know not to smoke. It was established in the 70's, we've had 30 years to get it down. I think we're good.
So let's get rid of that icon above our heads and let's use that area for something else. I propose two new and useful icons.
The first being a butt with wind marks coming out and have it all in a circle with a line through it. No farting. It would be helpful to let people know.
The second would be a big mouth open with spit flying out. Again, put it in a cirlce and slash a line through it. This icon would double as both the 'No Crying Babies' icon and the 'No Loud Dumbasses' icon. We've all been around both, and we all dislike both.
And another thing, when the pilot comes on in the beginning and runs through the paths and angles and altitudes he's going to hit, he also says something to the effect of: 'We've got a great team to serve you today. '
Horsehit. He's the coach of a different team every game. He's got no clue.
He should say 'Yea, looks like we got Linda. She sucks. She'll knock your elbows with the cart 3 or 4 times BEFORE takeoff. We've also got Bruce, who's not good at anything at all and will probably wake you up when you're sleeping to offer you a plastic glass of apple juice. But then there's the new chick. Whoa. New chick's got glutes, son. I'd like to take this opportunity to invite her to the cabin for a mid flight game of 'Touch the Black Box.'
Be prepared for some mild turbulence, if ya catch my drift...and we're clear. We'll land in 4-6 hours, depending on some shit that I don't wanna get into. Good luck back there, thanks for flying with me. It's my first week. Fingers crossed.'
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Ka'anapali Vacation
Aloha faceless web-surfer. I just got back from a week long trip to Maui with my parents, brother and sister-in-law. Yea, yea, yea. I know. Shut up.
Here are some pics from our journey to the Island with the biggest ku-kui.
Mahalo, Gracias and God Bless You.
This is between a couple holes on the front nine of the Kapalua Plantation Course, home to the Mercedes Benz Championship on the PGA tour. The course was out of this world awesome.
This is where King Kong lives on Maui. Apparently he's got a golf-course view.
Big D yammering on the phone while Big E (White Tiger) decides to hit a pitching wedge from 190.
This is a real photograph.
This is me. The ball went so far that it was never recovered. I out-drove the island. (I tend to lie when I'm embarrassed of being a hack...a hack that crushes it 295! Beat that, hack-guy!)
Big D and White Tiger about to hit on the Par 3 Number 11.
That's my ball on the left. I actually parred a hole from the blues on a championship course. I've not played golf in 2 years. I've got what I like to call 'front nine luck.' That means that by the back nine, I've fallen apart, stare off in the distance a lot and barely remember my name. I wish I woulda taken a picture of the GPS system built inside our cart, however, as it was incredibly intuitive.
White Tiger decides to allow me to beat him by one stroke on this hole, which was a grave mistake. You see, that stroke came back to haunt him...ah who am I kidding. E finished at 6 over and so did I. He was 6 over par and I was 6 over 100. Hey now. Kickdrum.
Ah yes. The view from our back porch.
SURFING. Myself, Eric and Amanda took surfing lessons. These are the pictures from our first ever attempts at the ancient art of surfing. Cowabunga and radicalness ensue.
Hug B getting the hang of it.
White Tiger mastering his craft.
White Tiger jumping off to make a sweet photo op.
Who needs waves to surf.
Kiss my ass Kelly Slater...If you can catch it! Wooo---hooo! Taste Foam!
WWIIIIIIIPPPPPEEEEEOUT.
This is my version of the 'bigfoot' photo. Only it's just me standing on a surfboard with a belly shirt on and small shorts...but it's blurry enough to make you think it might just be a sea creature.
Me and Big D in Mossey McGillicutty's in Lahaina. Cirlce of life.
White Tiger's got a new gang sign he learned from his Surfing buddies in Ka'anapali. They accepted him as their own once he mastered the Big Kahuna. Plus, they already loved his name, although they thought it sounded slightly indian. So, we changed it to Nupu Nupu White Tiger. I'm a liar.
This shirt is the Guinees Book's largest Hawaiian Print shirt and it's 200 XL. It seemed small to me, so since I wear XL, I'm going to blow myself up 200 times in photoshop and manipulate this to see if it's correct. Nevermind, let's just take their word for it. Huzzzah!
Here are some pics from our journey to the Island with the biggest ku-kui.
Mahalo, Gracias and God Bless You.
This is between a couple holes on the front nine of the Kapalua Plantation Course, home to the Mercedes Benz Championship on the PGA tour. The course was out of this world awesome.
This is where King Kong lives on Maui. Apparently he's got a golf-course view.
Big D yammering on the phone while Big E (White Tiger) decides to hit a pitching wedge from 190.
This is a real photograph.
This is me. The ball went so far that it was never recovered. I out-drove the island. (I tend to lie when I'm embarrassed of being a hack...a hack that crushes it 295! Beat that, hack-guy!)
Big D and White Tiger about to hit on the Par 3 Number 11.
That's my ball on the left. I actually parred a hole from the blues on a championship course. I've not played golf in 2 years. I've got what I like to call 'front nine luck.' That means that by the back nine, I've fallen apart, stare off in the distance a lot and barely remember my name. I wish I woulda taken a picture of the GPS system built inside our cart, however, as it was incredibly intuitive.
White Tiger decides to allow me to beat him by one stroke on this hole, which was a grave mistake. You see, that stroke came back to haunt him...ah who am I kidding. E finished at 6 over and so did I. He was 6 over par and I was 6 over 100. Hey now. Kickdrum.
Ah yes. The view from our back porch.
SURFING. Myself, Eric and Amanda took surfing lessons. These are the pictures from our first ever attempts at the ancient art of surfing. Cowabunga and radicalness ensue.
Hug B getting the hang of it.
White Tiger mastering his craft.
White Tiger jumping off to make a sweet photo op.
Who needs waves to surf.
Kiss my ass Kelly Slater...If you can catch it! Wooo---hooo! Taste Foam!
WWIIIIIIIPPPPPEEEEEOUT.
This is my version of the 'bigfoot' photo. Only it's just me standing on a surfboard with a belly shirt on and small shorts...but it's blurry enough to make you think it might just be a sea creature.
Me and Big D in Mossey McGillicutty's in Lahaina. Cirlce of life.
White Tiger's got a new gang sign he learned from his Surfing buddies in Ka'anapali. They accepted him as their own once he mastered the Big Kahuna. Plus, they already loved his name, although they thought it sounded slightly indian. So, we changed it to Nupu Nupu White Tiger. I'm a liar.
This shirt is the Guinees Book's largest Hawaiian Print shirt and it's 200 XL. It seemed small to me, so since I wear XL, I'm going to blow myself up 200 times in photoshop and manipulate this to see if it's correct. Nevermind, let's just take their word for it. Huzzzah!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
There's (not) an App for that. Yet.
So, we've all seen the commercials. White background. Hand holding an iphone in the middle of the screen. Finger moves across the iphone's face. Close-up of a sleek rounded edge square on the screen that does something magical when the perfectly manicured fingernail taps it.
'Say you get lost in the woods and need to know North from South. There's an App for that.'
Wellp, it got me thinking. And that always hurts just a little bit at first.
There are a TON of Apps. Something like 1,000 new ones everyday. I just made that up. I don't know how many. But that's besides the point.
The point is that I wanna give a shot at some Apps creation! Here are a few ideas that the iphone needs to implement. (And once they do and some 5 year old makes millions off of them, I'll wish I created an App that would have made me stop typing at this point so as not to give away these gems. But screw it, life's too short)
Disclaimer: Some of these might work better than others.
The 'Gaydar' App. Think someone's hiding something? Simply press the Gaydar App on your trusty iphone and watch that screen blip! Yep, you knew it, didn't you? And to think drinking a Tart-n-Tiny-Tini didn't give it away.
The 'Gimme all your money!' App. You've had a rough day and rougher year. Nothing's going your way. Have no fear, the 'gimme all your money' App is here! Go get in line at the bank and press this ingenius App and watch the money fly! Comes in three voice choices--white day-trader, Jose Canseco, and down-on-his-luck street urchin.
The 'Workout' App. Don't feel like hitting the gym today? Press the workout app and watch some attractive male or female (depending on what ya like) do some lunges, push-ups, stair stepper, and squats. Yep, feel better already, don't ya? And ya didn't even have to break a sweat.
The 'Are they into me?' App. Meet someone at the bar and can't tell if they're giving you vibes or just being nice? Wellp, pull out the iphone right in their face, tap this app and see the scales tilt. Yipee, you knew it! Thank your iphone by accidentally dropping it on the floor somewhere, you lush.
The 'Mouse-Trap' App. Got a problem with mice at your home or office? Whip out this app and set it on the ground in front of the culprit's hole in the wall. BOOM! Make that little rodent's step onto this App his LAST! Problem solved.
The 'Is the hot-tub hot enough yet? App. Tired of putting your hand in the hot-tub time after time to see if it's hot enough? Well, have we got the App for you. Bring your iphone over to the water, push this App and simply drop it in! You'll be amazed at the results. You're welcome. Comes with complimentary 'You might be Pruney' App.
The 'Have I had too much to drink? App. This is the piece-de-resistance. Ever have one too many bottles of hooch at Happy Hour? Maybe you have and maybe you're better than me. But chances are, you're not. My guess is that you've had too much at some point in your life. And this is right up your alley. Tap this App before ya leave the bar. If you can actually tap it, you've not had too much. If you can't tap it, you have. Call a cab (there's an App for that)!
So, there ya have it. My first installment of Apps I'd like to see. I've now trademarked them all and will get a 5 year old Indoneisan boy to make them all for me over the weekend. I'll be rolling in the dough by Memorial Day.
God Bless America.
'Say you get lost in the woods and need to know North from South. There's an App for that.'
Wellp, it got me thinking. And that always hurts just a little bit at first.
There are a TON of Apps. Something like 1,000 new ones everyday. I just made that up. I don't know how many. But that's besides the point.
The point is that I wanna give a shot at some Apps creation! Here are a few ideas that the iphone needs to implement. (And once they do and some 5 year old makes millions off of them, I'll wish I created an App that would have made me stop typing at this point so as not to give away these gems. But screw it, life's too short)
Disclaimer: Some of these might work better than others.
The 'Gaydar' App. Think someone's hiding something? Simply press the Gaydar App on your trusty iphone and watch that screen blip! Yep, you knew it, didn't you? And to think drinking a Tart-n-Tiny-Tini didn't give it away.
The 'Gimme all your money!' App. You've had a rough day and rougher year. Nothing's going your way. Have no fear, the 'gimme all your money' App is here! Go get in line at the bank and press this ingenius App and watch the money fly! Comes in three voice choices--white day-trader, Jose Canseco, and down-on-his-luck street urchin.
The 'Workout' App. Don't feel like hitting the gym today? Press the workout app and watch some attractive male or female (depending on what ya like) do some lunges, push-ups, stair stepper, and squats. Yep, feel better already, don't ya? And ya didn't even have to break a sweat.
The 'Are they into me?' App. Meet someone at the bar and can't tell if they're giving you vibes or just being nice? Wellp, pull out the iphone right in their face, tap this app and see the scales tilt. Yipee, you knew it! Thank your iphone by accidentally dropping it on the floor somewhere, you lush.
The 'Mouse-Trap' App. Got a problem with mice at your home or office? Whip out this app and set it on the ground in front of the culprit's hole in the wall. BOOM! Make that little rodent's step onto this App his LAST! Problem solved.
The 'Is the hot-tub hot enough yet? App. Tired of putting your hand in the hot-tub time after time to see if it's hot enough? Well, have we got the App for you. Bring your iphone over to the water, push this App and simply drop it in! You'll be amazed at the results. You're welcome. Comes with complimentary 'You might be Pruney' App.
The 'Have I had too much to drink? App. This is the piece-de-resistance. Ever have one too many bottles of hooch at Happy Hour? Maybe you have and maybe you're better than me. But chances are, you're not. My guess is that you've had too much at some point in your life. And this is right up your alley. Tap this App before ya leave the bar. If you can actually tap it, you've not had too much. If you can't tap it, you have. Call a cab (there's an App for that)!
So, there ya have it. My first installment of Apps I'd like to see. I've now trademarked them all and will get a 5 year old Indoneisan boy to make them all for me over the weekend. I'll be rolling in the dough by Memorial Day.
God Bless America.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
New Fray drawing on tour
Here's a cartoon sketch I did of the band 'The Fray' and they liked it so it will be on some of their summer tour stuff. Might also be sold online. Each of the guys has their own look, which doesn't happen in bands very often, so I thought I'd capitalize on that. I'm glad they chose this one to make, cause it's simple and fun and shows some humility on their part, I think.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
If I was a Rapper
Ok. Here we go. Drop the beat. Lace the...track.
Drop the beat and lace the track.
Uhh...Uhhh...What? Uhhh...What? What? Seriously, what? I can't hear shit. Turn me up. Turn me up...Yep, the right and the left. Ah. Better. Ok, where was I..Ok, Uhhh...Uhhh...let's do this.
Once again it's on, for the first time not the last time,
the best rhyme I've gots is one about a hate crime.
Who pontifacates once and twice and maybe thrice,
the man among men who came down to spit lice.
Electric flames flowin' out my eyeballs and fingernails
I got more charges than Huntsville's got jails.
Not really, though, that's a lie. I don't got one charge
but if it makes me look tougher, slap 'em on like Large Marge.
Pee wee, gray suit-shirt and tie,
South Florida matinee, tug then lie.
Ok, what? My rhymes is weak as O'Dhoul's,
stacking fake chips like a crown's got jewels.
But but but wait, damn that starter pistol ain't real?
Whatta shame, I'd shoot every one of them mules.
Go ahead and get gone, sure Barkeep, a whiskey sour and then crown,
me the king, the double ott in you pocket, keep all my ho's pics in one locket.
Sock it. It's tiny. Like a really tiny locket. I guess that shows how many ho's I gots...ahem. But it can hold all kinds of other stuff, too, which makes it pretty cool.
Oh right! I'm rhyming...Uhh...Uhhh...
My hand wiggles when I drink and draw,
It's a flaw, but irrelevant if ya picked the short straw-
but ya didn't, whis is evident from your predicament's a testament
to ya being here on my blog
reading my smut to the early mornin's fog.
WHAT? No he didn't. Yes he did. Are you sure? Not really. Uhhh...uhhh...Dallas...Uhhh. Never again. 2009. Uhhh. Dallas all up in your shit. Just all up in it. Uhhh. Droppin' beats like...like, somethin' that drops beats. Like a drummer. Or a beat-machine. They drop em, right? Uhh. Shut up. This is my song. Uhhh. 2009 till forever. Cause that's how long we do. That's how long we do! Long as forever. That's longer than...shit...that's longer than a lot of stuff that you think is long. Forever. Uhhh.
King out.
Drop the beat and lace the track.
Uhh...Uhhh...What? Uhhh...What? What? Seriously, what? I can't hear shit. Turn me up. Turn me up...Yep, the right and the left. Ah. Better. Ok, where was I..Ok, Uhhh...Uhhh...let's do this.
Once again it's on, for the first time not the last time,
the best rhyme I've gots is one about a hate crime.
Who pontifacates once and twice and maybe thrice,
the man among men who came down to spit lice.
Electric flames flowin' out my eyeballs and fingernails
I got more charges than Huntsville's got jails.
Not really, though, that's a lie. I don't got one charge
but if it makes me look tougher, slap 'em on like Large Marge.
Pee wee, gray suit-shirt and tie,
South Florida matinee, tug then lie.
Ok, what? My rhymes is weak as O'Dhoul's,
stacking fake chips like a crown's got jewels.
But but but wait, damn that starter pistol ain't real?
Whatta shame, I'd shoot every one of them mules.
Go ahead and get gone, sure Barkeep, a whiskey sour and then crown,
me the king, the double ott in you pocket, keep all my ho's pics in one locket.
Sock it. It's tiny. Like a really tiny locket. I guess that shows how many ho's I gots...ahem. But it can hold all kinds of other stuff, too, which makes it pretty cool.
Oh right! I'm rhyming...Uhh...Uhhh...
My hand wiggles when I drink and draw,
It's a flaw, but irrelevant if ya picked the short straw-
but ya didn't, whis is evident from your predicament's a testament
to ya being here on my blog
reading my smut to the early mornin's fog.
WHAT? No he didn't. Yes he did. Are you sure? Not really. Uhhh...uhhh...Dallas...Uhhh. Never again. 2009. Uhhh. Dallas all up in your shit. Just all up in it. Uhhh. Droppin' beats like...like, somethin' that drops beats. Like a drummer. Or a beat-machine. They drop em, right? Uhh. Shut up. This is my song. Uhhh. 2009 till forever. Cause that's how long we do. That's how long we do! Long as forever. That's longer than...shit...that's longer than a lot of stuff that you think is long. Forever. Uhhh.
King out.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Make Believe
What ever happened to a little thing called 'Make Believe?'
I miss it, and I think the world needs it right about now. Don't worry, I know just where to start.
Twitter/Facebook/MySpace. All of them have a 'What's on your mind?' updater where the user can log-in and express themself through words to their friends and 'followers.' Pretty cool, right?
Here's the thing, though--the updates are so mundane that nobody cares anymore. Literally, nobody. I asked them. I asked 'nobody' and they said they don't care.
Oh, you went shopping today? You think the Aggies are going to win? You just made doo-doo in your pantalones? Who cares. Not 'nobody'. Asked 'em! They don't.
Tell us you just ate a dragon.
Or that your armpits shoot laserbeams.
Or that your grandfather killed Hitler. Or maybe you did.
Maybe you invented the Shoestring Sleeper Hold? Oh wait, I just invented that one. Hands off!
But you see what I'm getting at? Let's think BIG, people! Nobody can call ya out on it, cause they don't know, and better yet, they don't care anyway!
Whoa, would ya look at that? Jim is forming an angry mob and he's heading to Frankenstein's Palace! I'm in! Go Jim, you irritable hippie!
See? The fantastic is so much more fun than the everyday!
But you're 'going to sleep?' Why even post it at that point? Think BIG! You're not going to sleep, you're about to do intergalactic battle at the helm of Eyeballista Squadron One, defender of the Visi-Floaters and ally to the one true king, Emperor Iris the III! Ok, so that's a bit much, but I'm trying!
So, I now challenge all of the 3 people who read this (whaddup Sue, Phil and Chauncey...I'll pay ya back on Tuesday, Chauncey, ya know I'm good for it) to go out and update their Online Social Networking device dealie with something 'made up.'
Please, for me.
I don't ask for much.
Maybe your pet hot dog flew to the moon. Or your nose fell off. You found a dino egg in your hamper. You licked the Mona Lisa. It doesn't matter.
Just for heaven's sake let's have some fun out there.
I miss it, and I think the world needs it right about now. Don't worry, I know just where to start.
Twitter/Facebook/MySpace. All of them have a 'What's on your mind?' updater where the user can log-in and express themself through words to their friends and 'followers.' Pretty cool, right?
Here's the thing, though--the updates are so mundane that nobody cares anymore. Literally, nobody. I asked them. I asked 'nobody' and they said they don't care.
Oh, you went shopping today? You think the Aggies are going to win? You just made doo-doo in your pantalones? Who cares. Not 'nobody'. Asked 'em! They don't.
Tell us you just ate a dragon.
Or that your armpits shoot laserbeams.
Or that your grandfather killed Hitler. Or maybe you did.
Maybe you invented the Shoestring Sleeper Hold? Oh wait, I just invented that one. Hands off!
But you see what I'm getting at? Let's think BIG, people! Nobody can call ya out on it, cause they don't know, and better yet, they don't care anyway!
Whoa, would ya look at that? Jim is forming an angry mob and he's heading to Frankenstein's Palace! I'm in! Go Jim, you irritable hippie!
See? The fantastic is so much more fun than the everyday!
But you're 'going to sleep?' Why even post it at that point? Think BIG! You're not going to sleep, you're about to do intergalactic battle at the helm of Eyeballista Squadron One, defender of the Visi-Floaters and ally to the one true king, Emperor Iris the III! Ok, so that's a bit much, but I'm trying!
So, I now challenge all of the 3 people who read this (whaddup Sue, Phil and Chauncey...I'll pay ya back on Tuesday, Chauncey, ya know I'm good for it) to go out and update their Online Social Networking device dealie with something 'made up.'
Please, for me.
I don't ask for much.
Maybe your pet hot dog flew to the moon. Or your nose fell off. You found a dino egg in your hamper. You licked the Mona Lisa. It doesn't matter.
Just for heaven's sake let's have some fun out there.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Gamestop Bunny on NASCAR
The Gamestop bunny I drew is now travelling at 250 mph around a NASCAR track! Try gettting him now, you angry greyhounds!
Keep your eye out for Joey Logano, driver of the GameStop #20 car in the NASCAR Nationwide Series.
And check out the latest commercial we did for Gamestop with the Bunny here:
Keep your eye out for Joey Logano, driver of the GameStop #20 car in the NASCAR Nationwide Series.
And check out the latest commercial we did for Gamestop with the Bunny here:
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Where the Wild Things Are Movie Posters
The posters for the upcoming 'Where the Wild Things Are' movie are absolutely ridiculous. I want them.
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