'You guys get him?' I asked.
'Yep.' said the SWAT guy.
'How?' I asked.
'Teargas.' he said.
'But how'd ya get it in the loft? Through the window?' I asked.
'Nah. Busted a hole through the wall, shot it in. Stormed the premisis.' said the SWAT.
'Wow. He have any guns?' I had to ask.
'No guns. But he did have two swords.'
This exchange took place Thursday, October 16th 2008 at 10:15pm at the intersection of Commerce and Murray in Deep Ellum Texas following the raid of an angry ex-maintenance guy's 5 hour standoff with the authorities.
For the duration of this incident, me and countless residents were not allowed to return to our buildings. And for every minute of this five hour period I prayed that nobody would be hurt, and that Batman indeed existed.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
KING
Weezer's song called 'King' from their recent Red Troublemaker CD might just be the greatest single achievement in modern music making, right behind the volume knob and the FM radio.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Ode to the Texas State Fair
Hello kind friends, gather round
There's a new thing going down
It's not too big, it's not too bright
Papa gon' win a doll tonight
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
They've got what you're lookin for
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
As long as that thing is a whore
What? I said Door. Like Prizes!
Yippeee, hurray! One ring, One win.
Lookit me, now I gotta carry this bigass Bear.
Nope, sorry can't go on any more rides. This Bear won't fit.
Will you hold him for me at the front while I go on the Pink Floyd Magical Journey ride? Yes? Great. Here's my ten, no fifteen tickets? Fifteen tickets? This ride is more than the fried thing? Is fifteen tickets 30 dollars or 7 dollars. Ugh. Take my tickets. My bear better be here when I come back through those fake wooden doors. What? The doors are real. Fine.
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
Nothin' else can compare
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
Did you see that a-holes' hair?
It was a mullet for sure, but on the sides it was short and he had the Cowboys stars shaved in. And then a tank top that said 'Bruce' in bright blue graffitti writing and a pair of British Knights with the laces undone. I kinda wanna get a shirt like Bruce's.
Time for the swing ride, 'cause that looks stable. Just a couple of long wires and a kid's high chair seat. This time I can bring the Bear. Bad move. The Bear tosses it's stuffing on me as I cry like a baby. A big floating baby that's afraid of heights. My legs dangle down low and graze that moron's head. What? I'm not controlling how low I dip, Jortsey Magee. Talk to the guy in the tiny booth that's acting like a DJ. We need him though, so don't be too rough. Without him, there wouldn't be anyone here to yell obscene things at every girl that walks by. Oh wait, yea there would. The whole place is filled with DJ's without booths. Goto town.
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
Corny dogs and funnel cakes
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
How much more fun can ya take?
Corn on the cob or frito pie? Howsabout we just people-spy? There's a lot to see at the fair. Wait. Are those people looking at us? Why? Is it cause we're not pushing 3 strollers worth of tiny babies and children? I'll go get a stroller and push the Bear in it. Then we'll blend in. Come 'ere Bear, this won't hurt a bit.
One last time, folks, here we gooooo-
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
Only happens once a year
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
Thank God for that, it's 7 bucks a beer
There's a new thing going down
It's not too big, it's not too bright
Papa gon' win a doll tonight
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
They've got what you're lookin for
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
As long as that thing is a whore
What? I said Door. Like Prizes!
Yippeee, hurray! One ring, One win.
Lookit me, now I gotta carry this bigass Bear.
Nope, sorry can't go on any more rides. This Bear won't fit.
Will you hold him for me at the front while I go on the Pink Floyd Magical Journey ride? Yes? Great. Here's my ten, no fifteen tickets? Fifteen tickets? This ride is more than the fried thing? Is fifteen tickets 30 dollars or 7 dollars. Ugh. Take my tickets. My bear better be here when I come back through those fake wooden doors. What? The doors are real. Fine.
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
Nothin' else can compare
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
Did you see that a-holes' hair?
It was a mullet for sure, but on the sides it was short and he had the Cowboys stars shaved in. And then a tank top that said 'Bruce' in bright blue graffitti writing and a pair of British Knights with the laces undone. I kinda wanna get a shirt like Bruce's.
Time for the swing ride, 'cause that looks stable. Just a couple of long wires and a kid's high chair seat. This time I can bring the Bear. Bad move. The Bear tosses it's stuffing on me as I cry like a baby. A big floating baby that's afraid of heights. My legs dangle down low and graze that moron's head. What? I'm not controlling how low I dip, Jortsey Magee. Talk to the guy in the tiny booth that's acting like a DJ. We need him though, so don't be too rough. Without him, there wouldn't be anyone here to yell obscene things at every girl that walks by. Oh wait, yea there would. The whole place is filled with DJ's without booths. Goto town.
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
Corny dogs and funnel cakes
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
How much more fun can ya take?
Corn on the cob or frito pie? Howsabout we just people-spy? There's a lot to see at the fair. Wait. Are those people looking at us? Why? Is it cause we're not pushing 3 strollers worth of tiny babies and children? I'll go get a stroller and push the Bear in it. Then we'll blend in. Come 'ere Bear, this won't hurt a bit.
One last time, folks, here we gooooo-
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
Only happens once a year
Oooh the Fair, The Texas State Fair
Thank God for that, it's 7 bucks a beer
Thursday, October 2, 2008
'Buttoned Up'
I've found a phrase that I simply can't stand. 'Buttoned up.' I'm not sure when this phrase started, but I can tell you this my friend, I wish it didn't. Start, that is. I wish it never caught on. Whenever I hear it I want to find a kitten and soak it in water. It makes me want to grab an old lady's walker and toss em it into oncoming traffic.
Hearing that phrase makes me want to be a bad-American.
No, the presentation is fine. It doesn't need to be 'buttoned up.' It's not a suit coat. It's a presentation. If it were a suit coat or a sweater vest, then yes, it might need to be 'buttoned up,' but as it is, it's just a presentation of shit.
The documents aren't in order? Straighten them out. If you so much as try to 'button' anything of mine, so help me I'll rip off your fingers and dip em in crazy glue.
Are we really that unimaginable as an American society that we need to refer to every day orders of business as if we're putting clothes on?
And don't get me started on 'ironed out.'
Hearing that phrase makes me want to be a bad-American.
No, the presentation is fine. It doesn't need to be 'buttoned up.' It's not a suit coat. It's a presentation. If it were a suit coat or a sweater vest, then yes, it might need to be 'buttoned up,' but as it is, it's just a presentation of shit.
The documents aren't in order? Straighten them out. If you so much as try to 'button' anything of mine, so help me I'll rip off your fingers and dip em in crazy glue.
Are we really that unimaginable as an American society that we need to refer to every day orders of business as if we're putting clothes on?
And don't get me started on 'ironed out.'
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